We met in Winter of 2001. Our friendship blossomed into what resembled a rose kissed by morning dew...absolute beauty, perfectly unblemished. His attention to detail is impeccable. Gourmet dinners so artful and sensual they’d resemble a Masaaki Kazama painting. Conversations so enchanting, dawn would suddenly appear out of nowhere. Time apart seemed like days, not weeks or months. A phone call on Wednesday meant I’d see him on Friday or Saturday. He was ever so close to me, yet I always kept him an arm’s distance away.
Suddenly, a shocking disclosure, I was hit with the news of his return to Europe. (Thank you Bush Administration for doing everything ass backwards!) It seemed so surreal to me, a little Dali, but mostly Magritte!
It's funny how life imitates the Arts. I'm actually living the real life version of Wim Wenders' "Wings of Desire"...amazing isn't it?
I held the epitome of my perfect match in my arms and I let him get away. Don't make the mistake I did, never give into fear...be brave and share your love!
A lifestyle publication featuring the arts, culture and music in the Southeast.
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Monday, August 20, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Happiness can be Learned!!!
Decades of studying depression has helped millions become less sad, but not necessarily more happy - a crucial distinction. Researchers are finding that happiness is influenced not by a single "happy gene", but by inborn predispositions toward qualities that help or hinder happiness, such as optimism or shyness. Personality doesn't fluctuate that much over an average life span. People have "happiness set points" – base lines that moods drift back to after good or bad events.
If you're a gloomy, pessimistic person, you're probably never going to be deliriously happy, but you can get into the high end of your possible range of happiness set points and stay there. Happiness can be learned; you practice it day in and day out. If you want your happiness at the higher end of the set range, you have to commit yourself everyday to do things to make you happy.
One way is to find the right goals and to pursue them. By setting and achieving a progression of goals, you can boost your well being. Even when you fail, you can better maintain that higher level next time you reach it, though you'll probably top out at the high end of your range.
Another path to greater happiness is cultivating positive emotions. Good feelings broaden thinking and banish negative emotions. Negative emotions narrow thought, by necessity. Most people cannot feel positive emotions at will. Positive emotions and broadened thinking are mutually building on one another, making people more creative problem-solvers over time and even better off emotionally. Coping well with one problem can make people more resilient next time trouble comes along.
One of the worst enemies of positive emotions is feeling threatened. A safe environment is the key. This is crucial, especially in relationships. A husband, wife or significant other cannot replace any of the things that are missing from your life. They can, however, provide the sanctuary needed to find them.
Some emotions aren't that hard to feel, if you take the time. Take gratitude...people who take the time to be grateful for events in their lives are not only more joyful, they are healthier, less stressed, more optimistic and more likely to help others. Additionally, gratitude could help ward off mindless materialism.
Anyone who has witnessed a touching good deed will recognize the heartwarming tingling in the chest that follows. Researchers at the University of Virginia dubbed this uplifting emotion "elevation". Such feelings break down mental barriers and help people see the world in new ways. Even mild feelings of elevation can change minds.
The feeling of hope is one reason spirituality may correlate with well being. Hope fosters optimism, and faith is, by definition, hope for the future. This is not to say that atheists can't be happy, but it helps to explain why so many do find happiness in faith and why researchers continue to find connections between faith, optimism and physical health.
Nurturing optimism is a key way to help hope and happiness flourish. Optimism predisposes people toward positive emotions, whereas pessimism is a petri dish for depression. Pessimists blame themselves for problems, figure they will last forever, and let them invade every corner of their lives. Good events are freak occurrences. Optimists look for outside causes of bad events and assume they will be fleeting and take credit for good events and bet they'll keep coming. By learning new ways to explain events, pessimists can become more optimistic and more resilient, leaving them better equipped to appreciate the good and cope with the bad.
If you're a gloomy, pessimistic person, you're probably never going to be deliriously happy, but you can get into the high end of your possible range of happiness set points and stay there. Happiness can be learned; you practice it day in and day out. If you want your happiness at the higher end of the set range, you have to commit yourself everyday to do things to make you happy.
One way is to find the right goals and to pursue them. By setting and achieving a progression of goals, you can boost your well being. Even when you fail, you can better maintain that higher level next time you reach it, though you'll probably top out at the high end of your range.
Another path to greater happiness is cultivating positive emotions. Good feelings broaden thinking and banish negative emotions. Negative emotions narrow thought, by necessity. Most people cannot feel positive emotions at will. Positive emotions and broadened thinking are mutually building on one another, making people more creative problem-solvers over time and even better off emotionally. Coping well with one problem can make people more resilient next time trouble comes along.
One of the worst enemies of positive emotions is feeling threatened. A safe environment is the key. This is crucial, especially in relationships. A husband, wife or significant other cannot replace any of the things that are missing from your life. They can, however, provide the sanctuary needed to find them.
Some emotions aren't that hard to feel, if you take the time. Take gratitude...people who take the time to be grateful for events in their lives are not only more joyful, they are healthier, less stressed, more optimistic and more likely to help others. Additionally, gratitude could help ward off mindless materialism.
Anyone who has witnessed a touching good deed will recognize the heartwarming tingling in the chest that follows. Researchers at the University of Virginia dubbed this uplifting emotion "elevation". Such feelings break down mental barriers and help people see the world in new ways. Even mild feelings of elevation can change minds.
The feeling of hope is one reason spirituality may correlate with well being. Hope fosters optimism, and faith is, by definition, hope for the future. This is not to say that atheists can't be happy, but it helps to explain why so many do find happiness in faith and why researchers continue to find connections between faith, optimism and physical health.
Nurturing optimism is a key way to help hope and happiness flourish. Optimism predisposes people toward positive emotions, whereas pessimism is a petri dish for depression. Pessimists blame themselves for problems, figure they will last forever, and let them invade every corner of their lives. Good events are freak occurrences. Optimists look for outside causes of bad events and assume they will be fleeting and take credit for good events and bet they'll keep coming. By learning new ways to explain events, pessimists can become more optimistic and more resilient, leaving them better equipped to appreciate the good and cope with the bad.