A Friend, A Song and Fabulous Football

While watching the Falcons/Saints footbal game this afternoon - Geaux Saints – a video was brought to my attention by a friend…New Noise, by Refused, a late 90’s punk song I had completely forgotten about.

I listened to the lyrics…

Great words won't cover ugly actions.
Good frames won't save bad paintings.
We lack the motion to move to the new beat.

We lack motion.

How can we expect anyone to listen if we're using the same old voice?
We need new noise.
New art for the real people.

Reflecting, I thought, “My hometown's professional sport collective is engaged in another ground acquistion contest. Their acts of focused and deliberate maneuvers ensure a glorious triumph.” Victory prevailed and the Saints are 13-0.

No lack of motion and definitely not the same voice, as the Saints are “the noise” and Drew Brees’ skills are “ the art” which have boosted the morale of a city that is still in recovery from the devastation of 2005’s Hurricane Katrina.

The Fates are smiling, the Saints are winning - the thirteenth game, played on the thirteenth day, at the thirteenth hour…victory and 13-0 – hence, fabulous football played.

A Forgotten Home Remedy

Before the invention of antibiotics, people in Europe cured their colds by dunking their arms in hot water. It induced a short-term high fever and was believed to rid the body of toxins. Follow the steps below to cure a cold and sleep well, too:

• Place a chair in front of your vanity’s sink and stack a couple of pillows on the seat so that you can sit comfortably in from of the sink, as if you were at your desk.
• Pin your hair back or put it in a ponytail (most gentlemen will not have to do so) and roll your sleeves up. Check the clock, as this should not take longer than twenty minutes.
• Fill the basin with hot water and add scented oils of your choice.
• Cover your head and face with a fresh towel.
• Cross your arms in front of you and submerge them into the sink.
• Every five minutes, raise the temperature of the water by adding more from the hot water tap.
• When your twenty minutes are up, get up, dry off your arms and face, get into you pajamas and go to bed. You should sleep like a baby and wake up full of energy.

Giving Thanks

Contrary to popular belief, the first recorded Thanksgiving ceremony took place on September 8, 1565. Under the leadership of Pedro Menéndez de Avilés, six hundred Spaniards landed at what is now St. Augustine, Florida, and immediately held a Mass of Thanksgiving for their safe delivery to the New World; there followed a feast and celebration. It had nothing to do with Pilgrims, Indians or turkey…that happened fifty-six years later.

In fact, the Pilgrims of Plymouth owe quite a bit of thanks to Squanto, a Patuxet Native American who resided with the Wampanoag tribe. Squanto taught the Pilgrims how to catch eel, grow corn and served as an interpreter for them; he learned English as a slave in Europe.

In 1621, immediately after their first harvest, the Pilgrims set apart a day to celebrate. At the time, this was not regarded as a Thanksgiving observance; harvest festivals were existing parts of English and Wampanoag tradition alike. The Pilgrims did not hold a true Thanksgiving until 1623, following a drought. The Pilgrims prayed for rain and a rain shower followed. In the Plymouth tradition, Thanksgiving Day became a church observance, rather than a feast day.

The day two races came together to give thanks, share food and fellowship should be remembered, celebrated and honored. However, the commercialism of today’s Thanksgiving celebration, with the plethora of tacky turkey trinkets makes me gag, yuck! Not to trivialize an important day in American history, but shouldn’t we be giving thanks for the gifts, blessings and love we receive on a daily basis, not just on a designated Thursday in November? Yes, many of us do, but far too many do not.

On Thanksgiving Day, when you sit down to your traditional meal and celebrate with family and friends, start a new tradition…giving thanks daily.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving and toasting new traditions...cheers!

The Bliss of a Kiss

In the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes, “The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer.” Absolutely, Mr. Holmes! In fact, that echo can last for weeks on end.

While the scientific definition takes the sexiness out of it, isn’t it amazing that the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction brings such pleasure? Moreover, it reveals emotions without words and on occasion, allows reality to slap us in the face.

The history of the kiss is quite interesting. In fact, the Romans started several kissing traditions that have lasted to the present day. In ancient Rome, couples became betrothed by kissing passionately in front of a group of people. This is probably one reason why couples kiss at the end of wedding ceremonies. Additionally, although most people today think of love letters as "sealed with a kiss," kisses were used to seal legal and business agreements. Ancient Romans also used kissing as part of political campaigns. However, several "kisses for votes" scandals in 18th century England led - in theory - to candidates kissing only the very young and very old.

In the movie, Gone With the Wind, Rhett Butler tells Scarlett O’Hara, "You should be kissed and often - and by somebody who knows how." Little did Rhett know, today’s world of social media allows the exchange of “muwah,” “muah” and “xoxo” to be shared freqently throughout our busy days!

Bread…It’s Not a Bad Thing

For most of the world, the appetite for bread is an essential part of being human. In our country, we have such an abundance of things to eat that we forget what a central role bread once played in our diet, and still plays in many other places. Take Egypt, where the word for bread, ''eish,'' literally means ''life.''

''He who has bread and something to dip it in,'' runs an Egyptian proverb, ''has the whole of happiness.''

In the Middle East --- which is, after all, where it was invented thousands of years ago --- bread has a sort of sanctity. If a piece falls on the floor, you don't eat it, but you don't throw it away, either. You're supposed to pick it up, kiss it and put it on the table. When people notice a piece of bread on the ground, they will sometimes pick it up and leave it in a visible place.

Bread is not just food; it's the symbol of sociability. In Eastern Europe, guests are traditionally greeted with bread and salt; in the Middle East, it's with bread and water; and in my home, it’s French bread, herbed butter and wine. ''To break bread'' is still our term for establishing or sustaining a social relationship. Even now, we consider it treachery to turn against someone in which you've broken bread.

Of course, ''breaking bread'' is just a phrase with us. We slice our bread; rather, we usually buy it sliced. But in some places, in North Africa, for instance, the idea of cutting bread with a sharp metal implement, rather than tearing it with the hands, is shocking. The association between sharing bread and unthreatening intimacy is that close.

There's a widespread need to ask divine blessing on this central food. In Judaism, the breaking of bread is accompanied by a blessing, as it is in the Christian Eucharist.

The ancient Sumerians made breads called ninda, mostly from barley; the Assyrians, living in wheat-growing country, made wheat breads called akalu. The ancient Egyptians mentioned a number of breads: white bread, crumbly bread, fragrant bread, date bread, sourdough bread (a distinctly sour variety called kyllastis, which the Greeks borrowed), breakfast bread, traveler's bread, hardtack, pyramid-shaped bread, obelisk-shaped bread, stamped bread --- scores of kinds, a number of them baked only for the gods.

Medieval Arab writings mention paper-thin breads, thick breads, pocket breads, round breads, ring-shaped breads, braided breads, breads shaped like ears of wheat and like ladders. Modern Iraq has breads of its own: gursa (a flat bread for wrapping kebab), sammuna (a spongy unleavened bread), uruq (a yeast bread with chopped meat and vegetables mixed into the dough).

It's no accident that every civilization throughout history has been based on grain. Grains are the seeds of grasses, the go-getters of the vegetable kingdom: fast-growing, stripped-down plants consisting of nothing but roots and leaves. Not terribly finicky about climate or soil, these little machines for converting sunlight into food energetically colonize something like a quarter of the world's land. Even the animals we have domesticated tend to live on grasses, so most of our meat, milk and eggs are recycled grass or grain.

Wheat is the most nutritious of the common grains, containing carbohydrates and every amino acid we need (though not all in sufficient quantity, which is why traditional foods so often combine wheat with meat, beans or dairy products).

It turns out you can't live on bread alone, but you can live quite well without adding much else.
There's just nothing like the smell of fresh bread to give a feeling of comfort, of being cared for, a confidence that life will go on. It's the basic comfort food.

The proverbial Egyptian description of a sourpuss is: ''He never smiles, not even for hot bread.''

Festivals, Intercultural Society and Monticello Deer Experience

The city’s charm, my love of venison and the persuasion of a friend inspired me to attend the 43rd Annual Monticello Deer Festival. If you are not familiar with Monticello, Georgia, it was placed on the National Register of Historic Places in 1997. The city’s architectural styles include Greek Revival, Gothic Revival, Italianate, Queen Anne, Second Empire, Colonial, Neoclassical, English Tudor and Craftsman. As a result, Monticello boasts several film credits, including My Cousin Vinny, which was filmed at the Jasper County Courthouse, Dave's BBQ on Frobel Street and the Sac-O-Suds, located at Jackson Lake Road and Highway 16. In addition, Monticello is the deer capital of Georgia, thus the annual deer festival.

While assisting Nancy Arnold Wood, president and executive director of the Jasper-Monticello Chamber of Commerce, with a myriad of pre-festival tasks, I thought about the numerous festivals I’ve attended over the years and the joy in which I experienced by watching the attendees, entertainers and vendors. As I reflected, it occurred to me that festivals play a powerful role in turning a multicultural society into an intercultural society.

First of all, festivals reach broad audiences. The number of people attending festivals annually is on the rise, which demonstrates growing interest in the events organized within the frameworks of festivals. For instance, the Monticello Deer Festival hosts a one-mile fun run, a 5k run/walk and a parade.

Festivals give artists the opportunity to combine their own experience with the local one, creating a positive and illuminating example of integration.

The audiences attending festival events are encouraged to actively participate in them, thus promoting a sense of belonging and community.

Festivals boost cultural tourism. As visitors attend festivals in different regions, they come into contact with new and different cultures and learn about traditions and history.

Festivals play a unique role in the context of education by promoting a culture of peace and shaping understanding and respect amongst groups of people.

Outreach and fringe activities provide easy and open access to the cultural activities of festivals for all kind of audiences, attracting all kinds of people, thus enhancing the process of social inclusion.

Festival events take place in convivial atmospheres and in open venues, which can be accessed by all, including disadvantaged people and ethnic or cultural minorities.

My love of people, places, food, art and culture began at a very early age. My guess is that festivals played an integral part in my development.

The Art of Remembering Names

The ability to remember names is a valuable asset in both business and social arenas. It helps you build an instant rapport with new contacts and it makes a good impression on employers, too.

The art of remember names can by mastered by following the techniques below:

1. Be interested.
Many of us don't even catch the other person's name when they're being introduced because we’re too focused on other things. So, the first step to remembering a name is to pay attention as you are introduced.

2. Verify.
Unless the person has introduced himself to you, verify what he or she wishes to be called. At a conference or seminar, for example, the name tag may have been typed incorrectly or it may be a more formal or informal version of the name in which they prefer to be addressed. Or, someone may have introduced you who doesn't know the person well. Asking what they prefer (e.g. "Jeff introduced you as Debbie, is that what you prefer to be called?") will not only cement the name in your mind, but also ensures you are using the name that pleases your new acquaintance. Lastly, never address someone by an initial unless you have given permission to do so.

3. Picture the name written across their forehead.
Franklin Roosevelt continually amazed his staff by remembering the names of nearly everyone he met. His secret? He used to imagine seeing the name written across the person's forehead. This is a particularly powerful technique if you visualize the name written in your favorite color of Magic Marker.

4. Imagine writing the name.
To take step three even further, neural linguistic programming (NLP) experts suggest getting a feel for what it would be like to write the name by moving your finger in micro-muscle movements as you are seeing the name and saying it to yourself.

5. Relate the name.
Try to associate a person's name with a familiar image or famous person. For example, if a woman's name is Jacqueline, picture her as Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis in a pink suit and pillbox hat. If a man's name is Arnold, imagine him as the "Terminator" or striking a body-builder pose.

6. Use it frequently.
Try to use the name three or four times during your conversation. Use it when you first meet, when you ask a question and in your departure, (e.g., "Andrew, it was a pleasure talking to you. Maybe we'll get a chance to chat again sometime.")

7. Record the name in a "new contacts" file.
Top sales representatives keep a record of new contact names and information, including where and when they met. Review it now and then, especially when you will be attending a conference or meeting where you may see these individuals again.

Using these techniques will dramatically increase your ability to recall names, but it is inevitable that at one time or another you may slip up. If you do happen to run into someone whom you previously met and can't remember their name, you have two options:

Look delighted to see them, lock eyes and extend a warm, "Good to see you again," and then find out their name from a friend later.

Or, with the same warmth, try the more direct, "I remember you well, but your name has slipped my mind."

The Rite of Rain

For many, rain is viewed as a negative thing. We hide from rain under umbrellas. Getting wet in the rain has associations with sickness, colds and flu. It “gets into our bones” and makes us suffer. Look at the faces of people who wait for the bus as rain pours down. There are no smiles, only misery and the desire to be out of the horrid stuff as soon as possible. It is clear that a culture’s attitude toward rain is largely based on how much of it is seen.

In the West it has become an inconvenience, something that gets in the way of our day. Head to Africa and other hotspots around the world and you’ll see a difference. Rain is welcomed, sometimes literally with open arms. People who haven't seen rain for years will rush out into the open and soak themselves with that precious liquid. Smiles and laughter can be seen everywhere. In fact, in drought-ridden Botswana, the word for rain, pula, is also the name of the currency, which helps to solidify the position of importance rain holds.

While our blushing brides wouldn’t want rain to pour down by the bucketsful on their special day, it is a sign of good fortune in many cultures. People around the world believe that rain falling on your wedding day is a sure sign that your marriage will be blessed with fertility and good fortune. On the opposite side of life, if it rains during a funeral, and rain falls on the casket, it is generally taken to mean that the soul has arrived safely in the Afterlife. In Bali, light rain during a religious ceremony is seen as a blessing from the happy gods. In Maori legend, rain and mist are the sorrow of the Earth and Sky.

In the ancient ritual, the Simchat Beit Ha’sho-ay-vah, Jews celebrate the pouring of water onto the Temple during Sukkot. Using water on the altar was another way to put in a request on high for a good, wet year. The Talmud pictures God saying, “Pour water before me so that your yearly rain be blessed.”

Judeo-Christians look to the story of Noah to base their beliefs of the negativity of rain. In the story of Noah, God was angry and brought his anger down in the form of forty days and nights of unceasing rain, choosing only to spare the favored family of Noah. The tradition was picked up in Shakespearean literature. For example, the rainstorm in King Lear marked the high point of Lear's madness. Throughout the whole of The Tempest, rain is seen as a negative thing, a sign of trouble.

Even in modern weather reports, the negative connotations of rain holds firm. When a storm is on the way, weather reporters sound almost apologetic when bringing this news to us. To be “in the eye of the storm” is to put oneself in great danger. To experience "the calm before the storm" is to know that danger is coming.

Interestingly enough, Native American views of rain vary. To the Anasazi tribe, rain is a sacred gift from the Rain God. Artwork from the tribe shows the Rain God as a benevolent figure who lovingly bestows rain on his loyal followers. The Cherokee tribe, performed rain dances to both induce precipitation and to cleanse evil spirits from the earth. The legend of the tribe holds that the rain summoned by the tribe contains the spirits of past tribal chiefs, who, when falling, battle evil spirits in the transitional plane between our reality and the spirit world. It was also believed that particularly elaborate rain dances could inspire the participants, as well as audience, to take part in unusual and extreme acts of worship. The Native American myth, Why it Rains, tells the tale of Morning Dove and how the hatred, jealousy and greed of warring tribes broke the hearts of the gods manifested in tears of rain.

In Great Britain, many people find the scent during and immediately after rain especially pleasant or distinctive. The source of this scent is petrichor, an oil produced by plants, then absorbed by rocks and soil, and later released into the air during rainfall. In addition, Great Britain gained its reputation for being a rainy country due to the fact that the Western coast of Britain can receive anywhere from 40-100 inches of rainfall a year. This is a stark contrast to the Southern and Eastern parts of the country which are much drier. In fact, the southeast of England receives less annual rainfall than Beirut.

Seattle, Washington, known as the birthplace of grunge music and Starbucks, is also known as one of the rainiest cities in the USA. The fact is, they only receive an average 37 inches of rainfall a year. This is less than the Big Apple itself, as New York City receives 46 inches a year. Melbourne, Australia suffers a similar fate to Seattle. It is widely regarded as the rainiest city in Australia; however, its annual rainfall of 21 inches pales in comparison to Sydney's 43 inches.

The wettest spot on Earth is Mount Waiʻaleʻale, the second highest point on the island of Kauaʻi in the Hawaiian Islands, averaging more than 426 inches of rain a year since 1912, with a record 683 inches in 1982. Although the 38-year average at Mawsynram, Meghalaya, India is 467.4 in., its rainfall is concentrated in the monsoon season, while the rain at Waiʻaleʻale is more evenly distributed through the year, thus making it THE wettest spot.

So whether you consider rain a depressing bringer of danger and doom, or a comforting promise of happiness, beliefs are as diverse as the people who made them fascinating. Rain underpins our lives and its dearth or abundance shapes the way a culture views the bounty from the skies.

As a child, I often danced in the rain. As an adult, given the opportunity, I often still do. Nature, in all its wonder, can and does touch the hearts, minds and bodies of anyone and everyone willing to take a moment and connect.

Creativity is Good for Your Health

A study conducted by Dr. Gene D. Cohen of George Washington University suggests the health effects of participating in music, art, dance and poetry programs. The results: People got healthier and happier.

"After a year, we saw actual improvement," says Gene D. Cohen of George Washington University, who headed the study of about 300 men and women over age 65. The study, sponsored by the National Endowment for the Arts, the National Institute of Mental Health and other organizations, took place in three cities, Washington, D.C., Brooklyn, N.Y., and San Francisco.

Half of the people in the study engaged in the cultural programs, the other half were the “control group." Both groups were similar in health and lived alone. Both groups were monitored on a range of measures from physical strength to mental health and social behavior.

Preliminary findings indicated impressive benefits of a creative fitness regimen. After a year, those in the cultural study group were healthier than they were when the study began. They were also in better shape than those in the control group. They reported better overall health, fewer doctor visits, less use of medications, and fewer falls and hip damage. They also reported less depression, less loneliness and higher morale.

All this suggests that mental activities play a significant role in health. It's common sense that diet and exercise matter to health, but it's nice to know that throwing paint on a canvas or writing a poem matters, too….maybe just as much.

Tribal Wisdom: Lessons for Leaders

The role of the leader is to bring the tribe from darkness by reminding the people about who they once were and who they can be. So begins the film Whale Rider, the modern day myth of a Maori girl, Pai, and her emotional journey to become the leader of her impoverished tribe. The story is a powerful metaphor of what ails much of corporate leadership, which is in desperate need of renewal.

Tribal leaders know that once the tribe loses its collective sense of meaning, its survival is at risk. They also know how to help their communities find and renew an individual and collective sense of identity.

Rites of passage marking critical life transitions are a hallmark of tribal societies. Whether moving from childhood to adulthood, getting married or integrating warriors back into their communities, rites of passage were designed to help people navigate those difficult times when one identity faded and a new one took its place.

Organizations often promote people and expect them to figure it out for themselves, not recognizing the significant thinking and emotional shifts needed to become effective leaders. With the decimation of middle management, there are no longer the role models—the “elders”—to emulate, especially for first-time leaders. The result is confusion, alienation, cynicism and resentment. In most organizations, with the increasing focus on task accomplishment and meeting short-term profit goals, leaders don’t value the tasks of leadership—setting a vision, engaging others, coaching and establishing priorities for others. If they’re honest with themselves, they’ll admit they usually get more satisfaction out of doing the job themselves and getting the recognition, than they do from seeing other people be successful. Simply stated, they’ve missed the rite of passage from worker to manager, from manager to leader.

In the same way that rites of passages help individuals form new, more mature identities, tribal myths help the group find its identity. They speak to questions that lay at the core of the tribe: where they came from and what their destiny is. The mythical stories that tribal leaders tell unite the individual with the community and give vital powers to the tribe—hope, reassurance and inspiration. They are powerful tools to create aligned behavior in a group.

As anthropologist Richard Leaky said, “Myths were one of the most important inventions of homo sapiens, as they became the means by which prescriptions for survival could be passed on from generation to generation.” Myths help tribe members face their individual and collective concerns. By providing role models in the guise of the mythic hero, they give guidance on how to make it through difficult times. They also let people know what challenges—physical and psychological—they can expect along the way. Through their power, tribal leaders acknowledge in a deep and compelling way the group’s shared sense of struggle to overcome difficult obstacles and achieve something important—a strong message that is just as relevant in corporate boardrooms as it was to any tribe throughout history seeking to survive.

Through myths, tribal leaders summon followers to become part of the larger life drama. Winston Churchill’s appeal to the Greater Glory of Britain, for example, struck to the core of each citizen’s identity at a time when it was at risk of being erased from history. We all live the heroic life. Whether it was the farmer in ancient Egypt struggling against the flooding Nile River, or the executive closing a complex business deal, the world’s great myths carry the same universal theme of the hero’s journey. From innocence to maturity, from selfishness to compassion, from birth to death, heroic myths explain to people the grand cycles of their lives.

The most powerful myths are those that speak to the hero in each of us. We carry the hero within us that seeks to take on difficult challenges, driven by an inner passion that transcends our current challenges and self-doubts, a hero who seeks to achieve the impossible and who is willing to suffer the hardships, setbacks and loneliness of the journey in order to realize that deep, inner calling. Leaders appeal to our sense of identity calling. They create meaning by appealing to our sense of identity and our individual journey.

Dan Goleman, author of Primal Leadership, relates how an executive with the BBC used these principles in addressing a group of journalists that management had decided to lay off. He spoke about the importance of journalism to the vibrancy of a society and of the calling that had drawn them all to the field in the first place. He reminded them that no one goes into journalism to get rich. He recalled a time in his own career when he had been let go and how he had struggled to find a new position, but how he had stayed dedicated to the profession. Finally, he wished them well in getting on with their careers. When this resonant leader finished speaking, the staff cheered.

Like a tribal chief, this leader created the grand stage that gave deeper meaning to a difficult event. As James Hollis, a noted Jungian analyst said, “Leaders are not meant to divert us from our own journey, but rather to remind us of it.”

Throughout time, the moral obligations of leaders have centered around preserving the community’s identity so it would never lose its sense of meaning and direction. Tribal leaders clearly understand that they have a moral obligation to the community they served. At its core, that is what leadership in any age is about. Tribal leaders practice this moral imperative by providing a sense of historical perspective, so that each member of the tribe can interpret his or her actions in the moment against a bigger world that they have not experienced.

In doing so these leaders give people a broader set of options from which to choose. Tribal leaders tell stories of the “ancient ones”—those mysterious first people from whom stems the tribe’s source of creativity, power and uniqueness. In doing so, tribal leaders connect the tribe to their emotional source so that each member’s personal journey can be subsumed by the tribe’s collective journey. That is how tribal leaders compel others to act—by helping other see their role in the grander flow of the tribe’s destiny.

At its core, that is what leadership in any age is about—engaging others by sharing wisdom, modeling the right values, instilling courage in difficult times and increasing the competence of the tribe.

Look at Walt Disney’s original vision statement for Disneyland and you will see the embodiment of that same universal power that set something wonderful in motion:

“To all who come to this happy place; welcome. Disneyland is your land. Here age relives fond memories of the past...and here youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future. Disneyland is dedicated to the ideals, the dreams and the hard facts that have created America...with the hope that it will be a source of joy and inspiration to all the world.”

As I think about our political leaders, some have much to learn from tribal wisdom. For if they did, public option healthcare would not be an issue, it would be a given.

Being "Mused"

Being an audiophile, music fills my day. From the moment I awake, until the moment I go to sleep, there is always music in the background. It whispers gently in my ears, keeping me centered and inspired, as I engage in activities throughout the day.

Research has shown that music has a profound effect on your body and psyche. In fact, there’s a growing field of health care known as music therapy, which uses music to heal. Those who practice music therapy are finding benefits in using music to help cancer patients and children with ADD/ADHD. Hospitals are beginning to use music and music therapy to help with pain management, depression and physical therapy. This is not surprising, as music affects the body and mind in powerful ways.

Recently, I had the opportunity to listen to Mused, by Dutch recording artist, Michael Mused. Mused is a unique and refreshing blend of dance, reggae, ambient and world music. The reggae melody of Peace and Love makes you feel like you’re in Jamaica and the Caribbean sun is gently kissing your skin, as you sip a tropical delight at a beachside resort. The exotic Philomena takes you to the Red City, Marrakech, strolling the bustling souks, filled with spice vendors, storytellers and belly dancers. The perfect way to travel - you never have to leave home!

With stress levels rising, Mused is much needed escapism and therapy.

Mused may be purchased via Amazon.com, iTunes and http://michael.mmused.com/.

Reflections

As I approach another revolution around the sun, I’ve come to understand that however unwelcome an event may be at the time, it always leads to a positive outcome in the future. I consider friends and acquaintances and how they make me feel…spending my time with those embodying allegorical exuberance, distancing myself from the slightest tenebrosity of envy, judgment, resentment and spitefulness.

I share my insights…

• I am ever so grateful that my blog is read worldwide, 88 countries!!!
• I love smiles, as a smile can unlock the hardest of hearts.
• I cherish and treasure all of my relationships.
• It is very important to express gratitude and appreciation.
• Say, “I love you” as often as possible.
• The person who possesses the largest bookshelf, not designer fashions, an overflowing wallet or biggest gun, holds true power.
• Always transcend political correctness and strive for human righteousness.
• The truth can hurt and often does, so get over it and move forward.
• Let go of the past or you won’t have room for a future.
• The bigger your challenge, the bigger your lesson.
• Mistakes repeated = lessons not learned.
• When life is stormy, dance in the rain (I’ve learned to love dancing in the rain!!!)
• Cold crow is hard to swallow; apologize wholeheartedly, as soon as possible.
• Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of the situation.

May you have enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to realize true happiness.

Wishing you love, peace and happiness…

Coping With a Job You Hate

Having a job you just hate is never easy and in today’s economy, you probably need to grin and bear it until another opportunity comes along. Whether you're currently stuck because you have to pay the bills or are holding out for the next great job, here are a few things you can do to help you get through the day.

1. Set weekly goals for yourself. Sometimes it is easier to get through the day when you can keep your eye on the prize. Even if you hate your job now, there is something out there that will make you happy. Setting these goals will give you something to work towards.

2. Do one thing each day to help you reach your goals. When you get up in the morning, set a daily objective for yourself and make sure you achieve it. This will give you a sense of accomplishment and keep you feeling good about your progress.

3. Give yourself "me time" before work. Going into a job you hate will be worse if you get to the office feeling rushed, stressed and frazzled. Set aside some moments of solitude each morning. Develop a positive morning ritual. Treat yourself to a latte, get up early enough to read the paper, or just set your alarm to play upbeat music when you wake up. Improving your mornings can do wonders for your afternoons.

4. Create a diversion for yourself in the office. Does being in your office make you yearn for the outdoors? Are the incessant ringing phones driving you batty? Do something to brighten your mood while you're at work. Use a photo that makes you smile as your screensaver. Buy yourself a "joke of the day" desk calendar. Listen to your iPod while working.

5. Use your time to develop your skills. Hating your job doesn't mean you can't learn new skills. Use your time to make yourself a better candidate down the road. If your company offers training courses, take advantage of them. Use downtime to learn something new on your computer. Pick up a management development book and read it at lunch. Turn this job into an opportunity for self-improvement.

6. Blow off some steam. Most people have an activity that helps them unwind and get rid of tension. Take a nice long walk during your lunch hour or go for a run after work.

7. Treat yourself. To make up for your office misery, find little ways of treating yourself. Buy a good book to read. Treat yourself to ice cream. Rent a movie. Shop for a new interview suit. Plan your next vacation. Do something to make you feel better inside, regardless of what is going on outside.

Thank you for being a loyal reader...

...I am taking a blogging vacation this week. Look for a new post next Sunday.

Until then, I wish you peace and many blessings...

Desiderata

Written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann, Desiderata is one of my favorite poems.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Happy Birthday, Mother!!! Thank you for teaching me all the above, which molding me into the woman I am today...I love you dearly, Bon

Dealing with Irate People

“Taking the HEAT,” is an effective method for dealing with openly irate people. In this instance, HEAT means:

Hear them out
Empathize
Apologize or acknowledge
Take action

Never interrupt, correct, interject your judgment or jump prematurely to conclusions about what they mean. Always ask questions to find out as much as you can about the situation from their point of view. Concentrate on what the person is saying and let your body language show it. Maintain eye contact and ensure your facial expressions indicate care and concern.

Irate people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Show them you care by listening responsibly. Responsible listening allows an irate person to fully express what is on his/her mind, which allows built up emotional pressure to be released.

The end result, you will be able to communicate effectively and in a positive manner.

Until next week...

Remaining Empowered During Stressful Times

Being laid off, accumulating expenses and increasing duties on the job due to recent layoffs are only a few of the things wreaking havoc on life during these stressful times. With the light at the end of the tunnel so dim it’s almost out of sight, below are a few suggestions on how to remain empowered:

• Acknowledge that asking for support, guidance and partnership is not the same as being needy. Allowing someone to help you primes the pump in the universal law of giving and receiving. There are as many blessings to the giver as there are to the receiver: being open to receiving invites flow as well as empowerment for all.
• Tap into any communities you were involved in prior to your stressful situation. Why? Any group or groups with whom you have positive interaction on an ongoing basis, even if you feel like withdrawing, can be an integral aspect of ongoing empowerment.
• Remain your authentic self even as you struggle. It is easy to begin to perceive yourself as "less than" who you are when you are challenged. Suggestions to staying steadfastly authentic include positive affirmations and connecting to your life’s purpose.
• Persist in centered-ness without being overly egocentric. Grandiosity and self-degradation are unhealthy, so focus upon who you are being as you are in a stressful situation.
• Make your requests known. While this may be difficult to do when fully mired in the muck of a downward spiral, letting others know exactly what would provide empowerment at this time creates partnership and provides solutions.
• Even at the most difficult phases of life, there is room for you to give. The joy of giving from the heart will elevate a soul.
• Remember to always turn towards love, grow towards greatness and be aware that there are two basic choices: love or fear. Always focus upon love. Honor yourself with loving compassion especially when you are in difficult times, as they are lessons to be learned and joy waits at the curve in the road ahead.

Until next week, much love to all!

Giving: The Key to Getting What You Want

Many give credence to the theory "the more you give, the more you’ll get back," yet the intention behind this action is sometimes not what it should be. In this instance, the whole process can turn sour very quickly indeed.

Deepak Chopra points this out in his book, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. He states:

Anything that is of value in life only multiplies when it is given. That which doesn’t multiply through giving is neither worth giving or receiving. If through the act of giving, you feel like you have lost something, then the gift is not truly given and will not cause increase. Practicing the Law of Giving is actually very simple: if you want more joy, give it to others; if you want more love, learn to give love; if you want attention and appreciation, learn to give attention and appreciation; if you want material affluence, help others become materially affluent. In fact, the easiest way to get what you want, is to help others get what they want.

Always remember…it’s important to take care of you, but don’t forget to give to others, too!

Try...Why?

In the movie, The Empire Strikes Back, Yoda says to young Skywalker, “Do or do not. There is no try.” “Try” is such an odd word. It implies action without completion. The meaning lies somewhere between “I’ll give it some thought” and “I’ll give it my best effort.” Of course, “attempt” is only one of “try’s” many meanings. You can also “try” a legal case, “try” a new product, or “try” someone’s patience. No matter what the meaning, when you use the word “try” the outcome is in question.

That makes sense when the issue truly holds an element of doubt. Lawyers put forth their best arguments, but the final result is up to the jury. Consumers test a new brand to see if it meets their needs, ready to go back to the old stand-by if it doesn’t. Children see how far they can push their parents’ patience without suffering the consequences. But…when it comes to a accomplishing a goal or completing a project, simply attempting it isn’t enough.

Accomplishing a challenging task requires, expectation, intention and commitment. When you reach for the stars, do you EXPECT to get there or think, “it would be nice if I could?” Do you INTEND to realize your dreams or just hope they somehow come true? Do you fully COMMIT to your goals or are you prepared to give up if the going gets tough?

Anyone who has accomplished anything great has had the “can-do” attitude Yoda was teaching his frustrated young pupil. They didn’t “try” to hit the target they DID it! Along the way they may have tested many methods, but there was never a lack of commitment to the ultimate goal.

That’s what I think about every time I begin a new project. I am reminded once again that it’s actions, not attempts, that create results. It’s what I do, not what I try to do, that makes the difference. “Do or do not. There is no try.” That’s good advice whether you’re a Jedi Knight, the president of an international corporation or a freelance writer/voice over talent working from home.

The Ingenious Fortuity of Accidents

Sometimes accidents happen and we're better off because they do. Historical accounts of many important discoveries and inventions tell of fortuitous accidents. A surprising number of these are associated with stories about spillage, breakage and other unintended actions that led to valuable, though unexpected, outcomes.

Probably the most famous is Alexander Fleming's discovery of the antibiotic properties of penicillin. Fleming accidentally left a dish of Staphylococcus bacteria uncovered for a few days and returned to find the dish dotted with bacterial growth, except in one area where a patch of mold (Penicillium notatum) was growing. Fleming himself said of this event, "I did not ask for a spore of Penicillium notatum to drop on my culture plate. When I saw certain changes, I had not the slightest suspicion that I was at the beginning of something extraordinary. That same mold might have dropped on any one of my culture plates, and there would have been no visible change to direct special attention to it."

Similarly, Louis Daguerre, who invented photography, made his breakthrough when he put an exposed plate into a cabinet in which a thermometer had earlier shattered; mercury vapors from the broken thermometer developed the photographic image unexpectedly.

While it is not penicillin and cannot cure a disease, in my opinion, it is the perfect brilliance of an accident.

Motivational Techniques One Should Never Use

While climbing the ladder of success, I observed motivational techniques that were so ridiculous, I compiled a list of what not to do when in a position to lead, guide and mentor others. Below, I share the list with you…

1 - Make your employees feel small and stupid, by pointing out their ignorance to not only get their attention, but to show them just how smart you think you are.

2 - Use demeaning language such as, "I can't believe you don't know how to do this! Someone in your position should know how to do this the first year on the job!"

3 - Use threats, because nothing is more effective to get people to jump through hoops to get things done. The subtle approach, "If this doesn't improve, I'm going to have to make some changes." The more forceful approach, "If you can't do this right, maybe I should find someone who can."

4 - Don't follow up on requests. If the request is petty (and most of them are) ignore it altogether because it's the best way to show just how important and busy you are. After all, the ones you manage need to understand there are far more important things on your "To Do" list from senior management than a request from a lower-level employee who has no influence over your career advancement.

5 - Ignore complaints because it only encourages more whining. Wave them away like buzzing gnats, a petty nuisance in your busy day. Complaints are probably about fairness, respect and having a voice in what happens at work, which doesn't really count as much as the bottom line.

6 - Keep them in the dark if changes are going to be made, because it's better to announce the change rather than involve the employees beforehand. It's so much easier to just make the change than to endure everyone's opinions and ideas. That would take far too long and they might want to change your plan.

7 - Don't give too much praise -- it will go to their heads.

8 - Don't deal with employee conflicts -- ignore them and hope they can get along.

9 - Identify your favorite employees and treat them well. This is a great technique for letting people know that if they get on your good side, you'll do some favors for them and they'll get what they want. This creates an incentive for your employees to bend over backwards to be your pal.

If you recognized a manager by the techniques on this list, please make sure it is not you…

Happy July 4th

Wishing you and yours a safe and happy July 4th weekend!

Regular blog postings will resume next weekend. Sincerest thanks for your loyal following...

Bon

Healing Addictions

In his book Healing the Addictive Mind, Lee Jampolsky states, “When we are caught in addiction it is impossible to experience love. Compulsivity and peace of mind are mutually exclusive…our addictions slowly become the walls behind which we hide. Eventually our walls become so high that instead of simply hiding we become prisoners of our own making. The guards in the prison of addiction are our egos while the bars of our cells are forged with our irrational beliefs.”

At the root of all addictions is the search for happiness and contentment from outside sources. Most of us are addicted to some outside object external to us. This includes the use of drugs, use of food, addiction to a person, excessive addiction to sex, compulsive buying, etc.

With the exception of those born of parents known to be or have been users of hard drugs, babies are not born as addicts. Children learn how to become addicted by discovering and abusing methods allowing them to achieve a state of comfort by turning to food, acquiring a new toy and later on in life as they grow into adolescence and adulthood, they discover that certain things make them feel good. This could be turning to food, to a cigarette, a drink, drugs, relationships or compulsive buying, to name a few.

The pattern leading to addiction is quite simple. It always begins with the time when we used a pacifier or tranquilizer to relieve our discomfort. At a future time as we re-experience a similar feeling, which could be fear or anxiousness, we remember the relief we received from that pacifier and resort to it. As the pattern is repeated, one uses the pacifying/stress relief addiction to achieve momentary relief by avoiding pain.

To successfully overcome addictions, one must recognize the pattern and identify the cause of pain. Hypnosis works by making a connection between your subconscious and consciousness, allowing fuller control of your thought patterns. Using hypnosis allows for the resolution of the issues that caused the addictive behavior in the first place.

Unlike 12-step programs, hypnosis does not identify you by your addiction or teach you that you are helpless against the addiction and must attend meetings for the rest of your life. Hypnosis gives you control of the negative influences that control your thinking patterns. In addition, you develop the beliefs, values, boundaries and the internal identity of someone who has no need for the substances or behaviors they used to depend upon.

Dr. Michael Merzenich of the University of California San Francisco and his colleagues have made discoveries in the field of neuro-science that demonstrate the brain is capable of learning new ways of thinking, as well as experiencing the world throughout our lifetimes. This is precisely why hypnosis is an excellent way to deal with addictions.

Wise Words From My Father

“Colors fade, temples crumble, empires fall, but wise words endure.” ~Edward Thorndike

I’ve learned so much listening to my father at the dinner table over the years. This Father’s Day, I’d like to share his wise words with you. They are:

• Never speak ill of those who have had you as a guest in their home.
• Never do business with one who has cheated on a spouse.
• Never forget that it takes only one person, one idea or one action to change your life forever.
• Pay less attention to what people say and carefully watch what they do.
• Even during inflation, a dime can be used as screwdriver.
• Don’t forget that right is right even if no one does it, and wrong is wrong even if everyone does it.
• When in a position to hire someone, ask yourself, “Is this someone I’d invite to my home for dinner?”
• It doesn’t help to have a road map if you can’t read it.
• When you meet a man you are interested in, ask him the name of the book he is currently reading.

With love, appreciation and the utmost respect…Happy Father’s Day, Daddy!

Be Well, Live Well: Behavior Change Simplified

As a hypnotherapist and life coach, I am often asked how to overcome the many obstacles life throws our way. The answer is behavior change. Whether you are overcoming an addiction, procrastination or attempting to achieve a lifelong goal, the road to behavior change is not easily traveled, but many have successfully navigated it. Below are several suggestions to make your journey easier:

• Be well informed about the change you are making — Be ready to outsmart the behavior in your effort to overcome it.
• Be ready — Like anything else, don’t go into the effort unprepared or lacking confidence.
• Set goals — Setting measurable goals provides a “yardstick” against which to chart progress and affirms your commitment to achievement.
• Make a total commitment — While different people move into their changes with differing amounts of speed and energy, be totally committed to make the change.
• Take it one day at a time — Seeing a change as something you are going to have to do for the rest of your life is overwhelming. Seeing the change as a series of day-by-day steps makes it easier to accept and comprehend because the mental pressures of changing are easier.
• Plan ahead for scenarios that you find threatening — Thinking of what those threatening situations might be in advance, and having a plan to deal with them, helps with many pitfalls you may face.
• Control your environment — Doing things like not going to places where temptation could occur, making your home a non-smoking area, keeping only healthy food in the pantry and
  refrigerator, or avoiding certain people helps.
• Take small steps — Realized you did not get to you current situation overnight, thus returning to a more healthy state will take time. Big changes occur through a series of small victories.
• Seek support from others — Family members, co-workers, support groups, workplace wellness programs and other means of support are all helpful. If you have support readily available to you, use it! If you do not, find ways to add support to your life.
• Realize that compliments from others are motivating and energizing.
• Don’t let a short term relapse negatively impact your potential for long term success — Recognize the mistake that led to relapse, don’t dwell on it, dust yourself off, get back on the horse and ride on.
• Know that one successful change leads to another — Success drives success.
• Reward yourself for success — Give yourself little rewards along the way.

Albert Camus said, “In the depth of winter, I finally learned within me there lay an invincible summer.” May you bask in the warmth of summer and shine in the light of success!

Pampering Your Man on Father’s Day

Ever notice that mothers are often praised for their love and dedication, while dads are trailing somewhere not too far behind, usually pushing the cart or carrying the shopping bags. They're the ones who pick up the pieces when everything falls apart. With their tools, they fix the roof, mow the lawn and put together the flat-pack IKEA furniture. Is there anything a dad can't do?

Economic hard times and out-of-work fathers mean buying his favorite “big ticket” toy is out of the question this Father’s Day for many families, as the extra cash is needed to run the household. Of course there are other ways of celebrating fatherhood and one very important way is indulging him with escapism. According to Dr. Judith Orloff, author of Emotional Freedom, when life is more stressful, we need an escape even more because it is a healthy and positive coping mechanism that helps us find an oasis of calm.

Below are a few suggestions for mom to create the perfect oasis of calm for dad this Father’s Day and all are under $50.00!

Soothe Your Senses Day Spa for Men and Woman, www.sootheyoursenses.com, located in Chicago’s Edgewater neighborhood, offers an array of treatments to lovingly pamper an overly stressed dad. The Vichy shower and the aromatherapy steam room are two treatments I highly recommend. However, the devoted staff will be happy to suggest other treatments to revive dad’s spirit.

The Colors of Wine, www.thecolorsofwine.net, Atlanta’s premier boutique wine shop, has an outstanding selection of wine and accessories. Located in charming Vinings, this boutique wine shop has everything from aromatic Albarinos to zesty Zinfandels, allowing mom to set the mood for romance on Father’s Day.

Soulstice Natural Products, www.soulsticenaturalproducts.com, is a New Orleans favorite. Their all natural products are the ultimate accoutrement for bringing dad’s sexy back. Mood enhancing aromatherapy candles and bath salts with scents like Leather, Voo Doo and Love Potion #9 will create such a state of deep relaxation in his body, dad will be wishing everyday were Father’s Day!

Whatever you do this Father’s Day, the most important thing to remember is…anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy!

25 Things That MUST be Learned in Relationships

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Give him space…let him go out with the boys. Don’t pressure him to spend time with you. You can’t force a man to hang out with you.
3. Don’t fall for the “I’m not the loving type.” When a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn’t do for you.
4. All men are NOT dogs.
5. If you don’t love yourself you can’t love anyone else.
6. You cannot mend someone else’s broken heart.
7. You need time to heal between relationships…there’s nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues BEFORE pursuing a new relationship.
8. Everyone you date is not Mr. Right…don’t be so eager to give your heart away.
9. Never become your man’s “therapist”.
10. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions, as they really do speak louder than words.
11. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals and socioeconomic status ARE important. If you’re not a thug, don’t date one!
12. If you want to know how he will treat you, pay attention to how he treats women, not just his mother.
13. Demand respect and if he can’t give it to you, he can’t have you!
14. Love is a verb…
15. Never let a man define who you are.
16. Never “borrow” someone else’s man.
17. Just because he says he loves you doesn’t mean that he won’t hurt you and it doesn’t mean you are suppose to be with him.
18. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the number one person on your life.
19. Stop making excuses for him and his behavior.
20. If a relationship ends because a man is not treating you as you deserve to be treated, then HELL NO…you can’t be friends. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
21. NEVER settle.
22. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship, please take it as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man that can’t make a decision?
23. Don’t stay because you think it will get better. You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
24. Don’t fall for the “I’m confused” excuse. Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out, but don’t sit and wait for him…move on.
25. If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you.
    

This week’s blog was inspired by personal experience and recent discussions with a friend regarding her relationship. I hope you find it instrumental in making relationship decisions that’s best for you.

The History of Memorial Day

According to Professor David Blight of the Yale University History Department, the first Memorial Day was observed in 1865 by liberated slaves at the historic Washington Race Course (today the location of Hampton Park) in Charleston. The site was a former Confederate prison camp as well as a mass grave for Union soldiers who died in captivity.

The freed slaves disinterred the dead Union soldiers from the mass grave, properly reposed with individual graves, built a fence around the graveyard with an entry arch and declared it a Union graveyard. A daring action for freed slaves to take such in the South just shortly after the Union's victory. On May 30, 1868, the freed slaves returned to the graveyard with flowers they had picked from the countryside and decorated the individual gravesites, thereby creating the first Decoration Day. Thousands of freed blacks and Union soldiers paraded from the area, followed by much patriotic singing and a picnic.

The official birthplace of Memorial Day is Waterloo, New York. The village was credited with being the place of origin because it observed the day on May 5, 1866, and each year thereafter. The friendship between General John Murray, a distinguished citizen of Waterloo, and General John A. Logan, who helped bring attention to the event nationwide, likely was a factor in the holiday's growth.

Logan had been the principal speaker in a citywide memorial observation on April 29, 1866, at a cemetery in Carbondale, Illinois, an event that likely gave him the idea to make it a national holiday. On May 5, 1868, in his capacity as commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic, a veterans' organization, Logan issued a proclamation that "Decoration Day" be observed nationwide. It was observed for the first time on May 30 of the same year; the date was chosen because it was not the anniversary of a battle. The tombs of fallen Union soldiers were decorated in remembrance.

Many of the states of the U.S. South refused to celebrate Decoration Day, due to lingering hostility towards the Union Army and also because there were relatively few veterans of the Union Army who were buried in the South. A notable exception was Columbus, Mississippi, which on April 25, 1866 at its Decoration Day commemorated both the Union and Confederate casualties buried in its cemetery.

The alternative name of "Memorial Day" was first used in 1882. It did not become more common until after World War II, and was not declared the official name by Federal law until 1967. On June 28, 1968, the United States Congress passed the Uniform Holidays Bill, which moved three holidays from their traditional dates to a specified Monday in order to create a convenient three-day weekend. The holidays included Washington's Birthday, now celebrated as Presidents' Day; Veterans Day, and Memorial Day. The change moved Memorial Day from its traditional May 30 date to the last Monday in May. The law took effect at the federal level in 1971.

After some initial confusion and unwillingness to comply, all fifty states adopted the measure within a few years. Veterans Day was eventually changed back to its traditional date. Ironically, most corporate businesses no longer close on Veterans Day, Columbus Day, or President's Day, with the day after Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and/or New Year's Eve often substituted as more convenient "holidays" for their employees. Memorial Day endures as a holiday which most businesses observe because it marks the beginning of the "summer vacation season."

Waterloo's designation as the birthplace took place just in time for the village's centennial observance. The U.S. House of Representatives and the Senate unanimously passed House Concurrent Resolution 587 on May 17 and May 19, 1966 respectively, which reads in part as follows:

Resolved that the Congress of the United States, in recognition of the patriotic tradition set in motion one hundred years ago in the Village of Waterloo, NY, does hereby officially recognize Waterloo, New York as the birthplace of Memorial Day...

On May 26, 1966, President Lyndon B. Johnson signed a Presidential Proclamation recognizing Waterloo as the Birthplace of Memorial Day.

Essential Skills for Overcoming Life’s Obstacles

How resilient are you? How well do you react to unexpected challenges and conflicts? Resilience is fundamentally underpinned by the concept that it is not so much the hard times we face that determine our success or failure as the way in which we respond to those hard times. In particular:

· the accuracy of our analysis of events;
· the number of alternative scenarios we can envisage;
· the ability to be flexible;
· the continued drive to take on new opportunities and challenges.

Although many of the external pressures on our resilience can neither be controlled nor reversed – the rain will continue to fall, the market will often be slack and we will never be able to regain those lost hours spent in traffic jams – evidence suggests that our internal thinking processes can both moderate the impact of these adversities and provide a valuable resource in moving forward from them, focusing on the things we can control rather than those we cannot.

The key to resilience is the ability to recognize your own thoughts and structures of belief and harness the power of increased accuracy and flexibility of thinking to manage the emotional and behavioral consequences more effectively. This ability can be measured, taught and improved.

There are seven key skills proven in both clinical and corporate settings to boost resilience.

1. Emotion Regulation – the ability to manage our internal world in order to stay effective under pressure. Resilient people use a well-developed set of skills that help them to control their emotions, attention and behavior.
2. Impulse Control – the ability to manage the behavioral expression of thoughts emotional impulses, including the ability to delay gratification, as explored in Daniel Goleman’s work in Emotional Intelligence. Impulse Control is correlated with Emotion Regulation.
3. Causal Analysis – the ability to accurately identify the causes of adversity. Resilient people are able to get outside their habitual thinking styles to identify more possible causes and thus more potential solutions.
4. Self-efficacy – the sense that we are effective in the world – the belief that we can solve problems and succeed. Resilient people believe in themselves and as a result, build others’ confidence in them – placing them in line for more success and more opportunity.
5. Realistic Optimism – the ability to stay positive about the future, yet be realistic in our planning for it. It is linked to self-esteem, but a more causal relationship exists with self-efficacy and involves accuracy and realism – not Pollyanna-style optimism.
6. Empathy – the ability to read others’ behavioral cues to understand their psychological and emotional states and thus, build better relationships. Resilient people are able to read others nonverbal cues to help build deeper relationships with others, and tend to be more in tune with their own emotional states.
7. Reaching Out – the ability to enhance the positive aspects of life and take on new challenge and opportunity. Reaching out behaviors are hampered by embarrassment, perfectionism and self-handicapping.

More than education, more than experience, more than training, a person’s level of resilience determines who succeeds and who fails.

Thanks Mom…

…for your guidance in developing the coping skills needed to deal with life’s trials and tribulations. Little did I realize just how import the following words would be, “You are going to make mistakes in life. It’s what you do after a mistake that counts.”

I sincerely appreciate you giving me the gifts money cannot buy, resilience, tenacity, courage, strength, respect for self and others, integrity and humility.

With love to mothers everywhere…Happy Mother’s Day!

Positive Change Through Hypnotherapy

In today’s hectic world, we continually search for ways to bring about positive change. Hypnotherapy is a natural and effective process that utilizes the strength of your subconscious mind to improve your life by changing unwanted habits, enabling you to accomplish your goals. Hypnotherapy enables one to overcome stress, anxiety, depression, addictions, eating disorders, phobias and pain.

Many doctors are utilizing hypnotherapy to enhance their prescribed treatment of diseases and disorders, and dentists are utilizing hypnotherapy as an enhancement to anesthesia.

I encourage my clients to utilize hypnotherapy for stress management, as stress is something that everyone deals with at one time or another. In fact, the most troublesome of all stressors in life are the ones that we create for ourselves. Recognizing that we create most of our own stress is extremely important...it is the first step in dealing with it.

Our quality of life is not so much dependent on how much money we make, or even how much leisure time we have, but on how much we enjoy and appreciate what we have right here and now.

Remaining in the present is very important to our well-being. It is here, that we have all the power, control and serenity to direct our lives and our thoughts. We are not promised tomorrow; therefore, we should not allow ourselves to stress out over it. The same holds true for our past...given the opportunity to make the choice today, we may chose differently; however, every choice we made in the past and the experience we encountered because of that choice, made us WHO we are today!

Our subconscious mind “helps” us to reflect on the thoughts that are currently dominating our conscious mind. Being non-judgmental, the subconscious mind actively supplies us with the kind of thoughts that it thinks we want.

This is why it is so very important to be aware of what our messages are to ourselves, what words we use, and how they affect our current thinking. We have the ability to select our thoughts, as we desire and hypnotherapy guides the process. Avoid negative self-talk, pessimistic thinking, self-criticism and over-analyzing. Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself to others. Don’t set YOUR goals by what other people deem important. Looking at things more positively, seeing problems as a chance to show off your talents and keeping a sense of humor are key factors in coping with and managing stress.

Since we are in the mode of positive change, I’d like to share part of a Nepalese Prosperity Mantra entitled, Instructions for Life:

Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

Follow the three R’s: respect for self, respect for others and responsibility for your actions.

Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

Remember not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Spend some time alone.

Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Remember that the best relationship in one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

In concluding, please remember to call your mother, as Mother’s Day is Sunday, May 10th!

Humor and Contradiction

Humor is defined as a comic, absurd, or incongruous quality causing amusement. Quite effectively, it is often used to lighten the burden of painful situations. Be that as it may, why are the greatest comedians some of the saddest people in the world? Why do our eyes fill with tears when we laugh? Why do we ask, “May I ask a silly question?”

Contradictions? Possibly, but isn’t life full of contradictions? Believe it or not, contradictions can be rather therapeutic. To find the humor in your life, don’t shy away from contradictions:

§ Explore the richness of your imperfections
§ Understand that you are misunderstood
§ Be good even when you are bad
§ Find the solution by looking for the problem
§ Celebrate your happiness by never questioning it
§ Label the label before it labels you
§ In order to see, listen
§ In order to hear, stare
§ Cherish the truth, but pardon errors

May you enjoy life...with humor and contradiction.

When There Are Tears

Psalms 126:5 states, “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.” Tears are a universal language. They often tell what words will not express. Sincerely shed, they are not willing water from a handy hydrant to be turned on and off at will, but rather the natural droplets from a heart too full to be contained. Tears are the language of the heart and where there’s a heart, there can be a tear.

Watery eyes have been known to see what clear eyes could not detect. When your plight seems bleak and you can’t see your way through, take another look - through your tears. They may prove to be telescopic.

At the Wheel of Life

We sit at the wheel of our life with one foot on the accelerator, leaving the other for the brake. We need to be awake. We need to be alert. There are many wrecks along the way, thus we travel at our own risk.

The journey demands that we follow directions, observe regulations and drive carefully. Though you have steered well ten thousand times, if you lose control for a moment, you crash.

As Easter comes to an end, reflect and fine-tune your driving skills to avoid foreseeable crashes.

Honoring Your Uniqueness

We are often told it is better to give than to receive, it is best to be humble and it is best to not shine a light on ourselves. True, but it is important to recognize that until we honor ourselves, we will not be able to fully give to another, shine the light on another or truly understand humility.

Honor your uniqueness daily. Celebrate what is working and choose to make adjustments where necessary.

§ Enjoy peace and quiet daily. Once you maintain the habit of being quiet either to contemplate, pray or meditate you will be amazed how much more efficiently or creatively you will perform your tasks, duties and projects.

§ Love and nurture yourself, as you would like to nurture those around you. Once you master caring for yourself, caring for others will become effortless and spring from the heart instead of from duty.

§ Accept compliments from others with grace. Never disrespect the person complimenting you by disregarding or negating the compliment. Be grateful they see something special about you.

§ Spend time investing in and cultivating close friendships. Studies show that a sense of belonging is extremely important for emotional health and well-being.

§ Live a purposeful and cause-oriented life. Recognize and embrace that you are creating your life each and every day. You can choose to let life happen or to create it fully.

§ Love yourself with heart, soul and strength. Be compassionate and understanding while standing firm in the knowledge that you are both unique and capable. When you master this balance, being attached to your outcomes is not an issue because you will be achieving outcomes beyond your own imagination.

Live passionately, today and everyday in your unique way!

Joy...A Deeper Experience Than Happiness

Ask most people what they want from life and you will usually get the same answer, “I just want to be happy.” There is a common belief that happiness is something that can not only be achieved, but held on to as well. That goal remains elusive…“the happiness that lasts” is never found because life is forever changing.

It is far better to seek joy. Joy is related to happiness, but it is a deeper experience. In the search for happiness, the individual focuses upon himself/herself. However, joy moves a person out of self-centered preoccupation and provides an orientation towards others. Joy is an experience which connects us to that which is “Greater” than we are. It connects us to the creative power that is more than the “I” or ego. Joy gets us out of ourselves and in contact with this “Other” and with others. Joy can sustain us through all phases of life. If we are willing to give up the search for happiness, we may actually find joy. It exists near the point where happiness and suffering intermingle.

To make such a move requires faith. Faith comes from the action of moving towards a centered life. We must act first, finding hope in the midst of loss, thus giving birth to faith. This is a move that engages rather than avoids suffering. The creative power at the center of life brings into being faith and joy. They exist in the context of love. To love is to respect and value ourselves while breaking out of limited self-interest and reaching out to others. It is love, joy and faith that give meaning to life and they arise from being centered.

 

Crabs in the Bucket

Growing up in Southeast Louisiana, I had the luxury of experiencing Sportsman’s Paradise to the fullest. As a child, I’d spend endless summer hours with my father boating, fishing and crabbing. Having an inquisitive mind, I’d often sit and watch the crabs in the bucket after daddy removed them from the traps.

What I found to be the most interesting was the behavior of the crabs in the bucket, as one would climb and rise above the rest, the others would grab the hind legs of the climbing crab, pulling it back into the bucket. “No need for a lid,” he’d say, “because no crab will allow another crab to move up and get out.”

I questioned that behavior and thought, “Can't they lend a helping pincer, form a chain, climb up and pull the entire group out of the bucket? Why can’t they do like ants and work as a team?” Instead of thinking about dinner, at 10-years-old, my fascination with behavior began.

Although crab behavior should not be analogous to human behavior, I can think of many instances where it is. Just show a little ambition to escape the confines of your situation in the workplace and your management and co-workers will swoop in to give you that extra boost of support you need to make it to the next level. Right? I don’t think so. Far too often the ambitious are kept in their place and the mediocre dictate how it’s going to be for everyone, pulling you back into the crabby abyss.

I escaped the abyss by being kicked out of the bucket. Having an ambitious soul, I’ve moved on to better things. When asked recently, “How did you land that gig?” I smiled and thought to myself, “I expostulate crabs in the bucket behavior and embrace the social networking of the ant … for the greater good of all.”

This week’s blog is dedicated to my mentors, thank you for the amaranthine encouragement, overlooking our temperamental differences.

Until next week...peace and blessings to all.

A Friend, a Film and an Enlightening Experience

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to assist my dear friend, Denise Blake, with one of her outreach projects, Bring Your “A” Game, a screening and town hall meeting, presented by Twenty-First Century Foundation in partnership with The Morehouse Male Initiative. It was a new experience for me, as it was my first time on Morehouse’s campus. In fact, it was my first time on any HBCU campus.

Bring You’re "A" Game is a twenty-two minute documentary film targeted to urban youth – young men and boys – who are most often victims of poverty and lack strong male role models in their lives. Mario Van Peebles is featured in the film and interviewees include Chris Rock, Spike Lee, Dr. Cornel West, Ice Cube, Sean “Diddy” Combs and Harper Hill, to name a few. Using computer generated imaging and eye-opening statistics, the film encourages urban youth to finish high school and get a college degree.

It was mind-boggling to learn that inner-city third grade test scores are often used to determine how many young men will go to prison. Even more astonishing, I learned that most prisons are privately owned goldmines. It really made me think about America’s education system in a new light, seriously questioning its integrity.

Yes, many men in prisons do deserve to be there, but I wonder how many, if they had been given the opportunities I had, would actually be there today? Since we are on the topic, and the film did not mention it, according to research released on Monday, March 2, by the Pew Research Center in Washington, DC, one out of every 55 Louisiana adults is behind bars, a higher incarceration rate than any other state. Being from New Orleans that really hits home.

Denise and The Atlanta community engagement team did an excellent job promoting Bring Your “A” Game. The response was overwhelming, as people arrived almost an hour early and a second screening had to be scheduled. Once the initial screening session began, it was announced that Mario Van Peebles was in attendance and would conduct a Q&A after the panel discussion.

Bring Your “A” Game will air exclusively on BET later this spring. Even though the target audience is urban youth, I suggest you watch the documentary…you’ll learn a thing or two just as I did.

Want, Need, Acknowledgement and Thanks

God doesn't always give you the people you want in life, He gives you the people you need. His reasons are to help you, to hurt you, to leave you and to love you. Why…to make you into the person you were meant to be. He wants you to live life to the fullest, to excel above expectations, to shine in the darkest of places where it is impossible to love and to walk with HIM always.

As great spirits collide like supernovas in the heavens, He abundantly blesses and rewards us with serendipitous encounters. Not only am I a firm believer in God’s blessings, I am a firm believer in giving thanks, too. Recently, I encountered someone who introduced me to a magazine editor. Please visit www.jadoremag.com to see the results of my serendipitous encounter.

Thank you Mr. Harris, thank you Ms. Leslie and thank you God for the blessings…

The Moments in Between

We always remember the holidays, graduation day, our wedding day and the birth of a child -- all significant events in life, but what about the moments in between? The moments in the midst of our seemingly ordinary happenings that we give little, if any attention…sipping morning coffee, brushing our teeth, the drive to our place of employment, listening to the radio or sitting quietly. These moments may not appear to hold any significant value, as they are tasks we do out of habit or necessity.

Unfortunately, when overlooking the mundane, we often miss divine inspiration. If we stop for a moment and think about it, some of the most treasured inspirations and signs from above happen during the moments in between. Frequently, our search for the significant causes us to overlook the little things in life that can, on more occasions than not, give us the answers in which we are seeking.

Do pay closer attention to the little things in life, because your much needed signs and answers will be experienced during the moments in between.

This week’s blog is dedicated to Mama Cochran…thanks for sharing a wonderful moment in between and inspiring me!!!

Forgiveness, Grudges and Releasing the Victim Syndrome

Your view of the world around you is a reflection of the world you have created within. The world you experience is an extension of your mind. Any level of peace or stress you experience, is directly related to the level of peace or stress or within your mind. If you are at peace with yourself, the world will appear peaceful. Keeping this in mind, forgive yourself for any mistakes you’ve made, knowing that you are no longer what you were in the past. Every moment, there is a new you born and you are living in this moment with a new you.

Forgive others and you will set yourself free from all you thought they did to you. In fact, they need not ask for forgiveness to be forgiven. They might even believe that there is nothing for which they need to be forgiven. Do not concern yourself with how they choose to experience reality, for it has no effect on you, unless you allow it. For something or someone to affect you, you must first allow it to affect you.

You can also choose not to forgive, but what good has such behavior ever brought to your life? You might be trying to consciously or even unconsciously punish someone by not forgiving him or her. Who are you really punishing? Who’s carrying that judgment around? You might not consciously recall that you are carrying judgment, but it is simmering below the surface, coloring everything and everyone with whom you interact. Little by little, judgments add up and weigh you down. You’re quick to anger, feel tired and stressed and may not understand why. Comments to others may become nasty and your patience fades. This is a result of your attempt to punish and not forgive. Think about it…who are you really punishing?

To paraphrase Max Lucado, "Anger is a predictable emotion, an irritant, a frustration, and an aggravation? Someone gets your parking place. Someone pulls in front of you on the freeway. A waitress is slow and you are in a hurry. The toast burns. Before you know it, little irritations turn into rage, revenge, bitterness and hatred. We trust no one and bare our teeth at anyone who gets near. Is that any way to live? What good has hatred ever brought? What hope has anger ever created? What problems have ever been resolved by revenge?"

What has a grudge ever resolved? In most cases, grudges become the focus and hinder you from living life to the fullest! Recognize who is being hurt by your grudge and non-forgiveness. Does the other person burn with your anger, feel the knot in your stomach, experience the recycling of your thoughts as you re-experience the events in your mind? Do they stay awake as you rehearse in your mind what you would like to say or do to 'punish' them? No…the pain is all yours!

Knowing 'why' is not the prerequisite to forgiveness. Knowing why the behavior happened will not lessen the pain, because the pain came at a time when you did not know why. Occasionally there are times when knowing why makes forgiveness unnecessary, but they are rare.

A solution to consider…make a list of what was actually done that caused your pain; not what you felt was done. Acknowledge your part. Were you honest about your hurt or did you hide the fact that the behavior hurt you? Did you seek peace by reassuring the perpetrator that it was all right? Did you stay when you or should have gone? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, acknowledge your behavior and take responsibility for the ramifications of your actions.

Congratulations! You took the first step to stop being a victim!