Grudges: The Scars of Betrayal

Grudges are the scars of betrayal. If we are not careful, those scars become an excuse for not taking a risk on love and are the basis for being unwilling to trust again. Grudges also become the excuses for not allowing ourselves to heal.

We are determined to “make sure that this will never happen to us again.” However, the moment we do that, we not only withdraw to protect ourselves, we begin to find ways to get back, get even and to get this hurt off of us.

Many marriages are polluted by leftover betrayal from past relationships. Numerous families are torn apart by scars and grudges from childhood and the lingering pain not yet overcome. If you think about it, there are many people who are wrecked by the inability to function in daily life due to scars and grudges from their past. Unfortunately, much addiction, abuse and criminal activity share this common root.

The way to remove the tenderness of the scars of betrayal - grudges - is forgiveness. Forgiveness is the spiritual plastic surgery that can remove the scars and heal pain.

Forgive, or hold on to a grudge…the choice is yours.

Positive Thinking May Lengthen Life

Want to live longer? Then think positive, researchers advise. A study of 660 volunteers ages 50 and older shows negative stereotypes about aging may have an adverse effect on longevity.

Even if you are not aware of them, subtle associations of the elderly with illness or frailty may be shortening your life by affecting your will to live, the study suggests. In fact, the scientists assert, positive self-perceptions of aging may influence lifespan more than not smoking or exercising, said lead researcher Becca Levy of Yale University's Department of Epidemiology and Public Health.

The study found that older people with more positive self-perceptions of aging, measured up to 23 years earlier, lived 7.5 years longer than those with less positive ones. "The effect of more positive self-perceptions of aging on survival is greater than the physiological measures of low systolic blood pressure and cholesterol, each of which is associated with a longer lifespan of four years or less," the authors wrote in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. "It is also greater than the independent contributions of lower body mass index, no history of smoking and a tendency to exercise; each of these factors has been found to contribute between one and three years of added life."

The History of Valentine’s Day

February 14th is Valentine's Day. Currently celebrated as a holiday for lovers, it actually originated in 5th Century Rome, as a tribute to a Catholic bishop. 

For eight hundred years prior to the establishment of Valentine's Day, the Romans practiced a pagan celebration in mid-February commemorating young men's rite of passage to the god Lupercus. The celebration featured a lottery in which young men would draw the names of teenage girls from a box. The girl assigned to each young man in that manner would be his sexual companion during the remaining year.

In an effort to do away with the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius ordered a slight change in the lottery. Instead of the names of young women, the box would contain the names of saints. Both men and women were allowed to draw from the box; however, the game was changed to emulating the ways of the saint drawn. Needless to say, many of the young Roman men were not too pleased with the rule changes.

Instead of the pagan god Lupercus, the Church looked for a suitable patron saint of love to take his place. They found an appropriate choice in Valentine, who, in 270 AD had been beheaded by Emperor Claudius.

Claudius determined that married men made poor soldiers, banned marriage from his empire. In spite of this, Valentine would secretly marry the young men and women that came to him. When Claudius found out about Valentine, he tried to convert him to paganism, but Valentine reversed the strategy, trying instead to convert Claudius. When he failed, he was stoned and beheaded.

During the days that Valentine was imprisoned, he fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer. His love for her, and his great faith, managed to miraculously heal her from her blindness before his death. Before he was taken to his death, he signed a farewell message to her, "From your Valentine." The phrase has been used on his day ever since.

Although the church banned the lottery, the mid-February holiday in commemoration of St. Valentine was stilled used by Roman men to seek the affection of women. It became a tradition for men to give the ones they admired handwritten messages of affection, containing Valentine's name.

The first Valentine card grew out of this practice. Charles, Duke of Orleans, sent the first true Valentine card in 1415 to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London.

Cupid, another symbol of the holiday, became associated with it because he was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty. Even today, Cupid often appears on Valentine cards.

Wishing you and yours a very happy Valentine’s Day!