The Art of Meaningful Conversation

“The most fruitful and natural play of the mind is conversation. I find it sweeter than any other action in life,” wrote 16th century essayist Michel de Montaigne. Few things are in fact so pleasurable and fertile as engaging in good talk. Whether you’re falling in love or entering into friendship, open-ended, seemingly unimportant conversations are essential to building intimacy. They are also the means by which we learn, via other people, how the world works. Talking forces us to clarify our perspectives, as well as recall our experiences. A meandering chat unlocks doors to memories long ago stored away.

Increasingly, most of us lack the time and the focus for this most basic of human activities. “Non-goal-oriented conversations are a great luxury now,” says Daniel Menaker, author of A Good Talk: The Story and Skill of Conversation. And when we do have a spare hour or two, we often spend it in less satisfying forms of communication. Many people think nothing of checking their BlackBerrys over dinner (a HUGE pet peeve of mine). Such “conversing” makes one statement loud and clear: Our interlocutor isn’t valuable enough to warrant our full attention.

Looking down at a handheld device, rather than into the eyes of your conversational mate, isn’t merely rude, it also sabotages the exchange of nonverbal cues that sustain rich and meaningful attachments. “We’re all facial coders,” says Dan Hill, founder and president of Sensory Logic, a market research firm.

Reading others’ faces and emotions is a key component of empathy, and some argue that the ability or willingness to empathize is on the decline. In study conducted at the University of Michigan, researchers found a 40 percent drop in empathy (as measured by questions about feeling concern for the less fortunate and putting oneself in another’s shoes.) among college students from 1979 to 2009. A sharp plunge began around the year 2000—just as the digital era as we know it kicked into high gear.

In addition, digital communication breeds confusion. Researchers recently concluded that email communicators “hear” what they’re writing based on their intention, while the email recipient often misses that nuance. For example, a statement meant to be sarcastic can be read as insulting.

“Conversations are necessary for creating wisdom about the self and others,” says Menaker. Without conversations that take us on spontaneous journeys through ideas and opinions, we cannot know what we think and we cannot understand the minds of others.

While texting is acceptable in a pinch, NOTHING beats a conversation, so TALK TO ME, please!

2 comments :

  1. not sure how I landed here...but I enjoyed your post.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Keia! I appreciate you reading my blog ;-)

    ReplyDelete

 

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Bonnie Morét is an award-winning photographer recognized by The Georgia Council of the Arts as "an exceptional representation of contemporary Georgia art work." Her photography is featured on Georgia Public Broadcast's Georgia Traveler. Her exhibitions include Fifth Annual Exposure Awards at Musee du Louvre in Paris, France, Art Takes Miami at Scope Art during Art Basel Miami, Metro Montage XIII at the Marietta/Cobb Museum of Art, World of Water at the Georgia Aquarium, Open Walls at Black Box Gallery in Portland, Oregon, Wholly Georgia: A Look at the Effects of Southern Religious Culture, sponsored by the Art History League and Georgia State University, at Mint Gallery in Atlanta, Georgia, 6x6 at the Rochester Contemporary Arts Center in Rochester, New York, @Phonography: Dialogue in the Wireless Age, at 3 Ring Circus in New Orleans, Louisiana, and About Lands and Lives of the Civil War at the 6th Cavalry Museum in Ft. Oglethorpe, Georgia. Her photography appears in Modern Luxury/The Atlantan, Jezebel Magazine, and hangs in the executive offices at the Georgia State Capitol as part of the Art of Georgia exhibit. Corporate clients include Atlanta Ballet, Atlanta History Center, Chanel Cosmetics, Christian Dior Cosmetics, Sharp Mountain Vineyards, PM Realty Group, Granite Properties, Road Atlanta, Patrón Tequila, StubHub, CBM Records and The Washington Auto Show.