Happy New Year

May you be blessed to know
Your power to create magic.

Faith is a change of mind
Resulting in a change of heart
Delivering a perfect perspective to all things.

Wishing you peace, love and prosperity...

The Difference Between Creole and Cajun

Many of my friends and acquaintances who did not grow up in Southeast Louisiana believe the terms “creole” and “cajun” are interchangeable. Upon discovering I grew up in New Orleans, they are quick to mention how much they like Cajun food. Most people outside the Gulf Coast of Louisiana have no concept of the historical and social roots of the two distinct cultures.

The word “creole” is rooted in the Spanish word criollo, which means someone who was born in a colony run by the French or Spanish. The usage of this word carried no distinction between someone who was black or white. To date, this is how the term is used in Louisiana. People outside of Louisiana often believe that a Creole person is someone who is either black or multi-racial. Historically, it carries no racial overtones and this is not how the word has been used in New Orleans. It does; however, carry ethnic overtones and simply implies that one’s family is French or Spanish.

According to the book, Creole New Orleans: Race and Americanization, by Arnold J. Hirsch and Joseph Logsdon, the racial implications came from two periods. The first was when the United States purchased Louisiana and American migrants began pouring into New Orleans bringing the Anglo concept of the color line with them. The second was after Reconstruction and during the Jim Crow era when the color line was further reinforced when white Creoles began to accept white Anglo culture as their own. The book further explains that this acceptance was neither definite nor was it complete. What occurred was an eroding of the Creole culture among whites through the enforcement of English-only in public schools, intermarriage with Anglo families and an increasing identification with “whiteness.” Be that as it may, not every white Creole bought into the changing identity, and to this day, there are white Creole families that speak French at home.

There are allegories regarding black cooks and housekeepers carrying the creole culture to black households. There was a large population of free people of color who gained their freedom as a result of the French manumission laws regarding slavery. It is also interesting to note, that much of America’s familiarity with Creoles came from the black migrations during the 1920s. During this time, fewer white Creole families left the New Orleans area than did black Creole families due to economic changes occurring in the nation. Oakland, California was one major focus for this migration along with Los Angeles and Chicago.

Cajuns also have French roots, but trace their roots not from the Gulf Coast region. Instead, they trace them from the Acadian region of French Canada today known as the Maritime region of Canada. The word “cajun” is a corruption of the word “acadian.” By now, most people know the history of the Cajun people and how they migrated to Louisiana. Interestingly, there was little interchange of creole and cajun culture despite their proximity to one another. The evidence is in the food of both cultures—gumbo and jambalaya are two such examples. This cultural interchange came in the form of trade and the sale of produce from the agricultural regions of Acadiana. Yet, the two cultures remained distinct and evolved separately.

The historical roots of the Gulf Coast region are complex and diverse. The area was an important center for trade and commerce; therefore, people from across the globe were attracted to the region and settled there - Germans, Spaniards, Canary Islanders and the Irish are a few examples, explaining the unique cultural traditions of the region. Most families in the area can trace their roots back to several points of origin and very few, if any, have one distinct line.

As far as how this distinction relates to cooking: simply put, creole cooking is highly influenced by French culinary traditions of sauces, tends to use butter, and is generally viewed as more refined. Cajun cooking, on the other hand, tends to be a cuisine of necessity. As farmers and fisherman, there was a need to live off the land and essentially eat what the harvest “brung ya’.” Many people view it as sophisticated vs. peasant food.

As a final note, blackened stuff of any kind is NOT cajun. That was an invention of Paul Prud’homme who happens to be of Cajun descent. Prud’homme was actually trained as a creole chef at Commander’s Palace.

To Achieve Your Dreams Remember Your ABC's

Avoid negative sources -people, places, things and habits.
Believe in yourself.
Consider things from every angle.
Don't give up and don't give in.
Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.
Family and friends are hidden treasures. Seek them and enjoy their riches.
Give more than you planned to give.
Hang on to your dreams.
Ignore those who try to discourage you.
Just do it!
Keep on…no matter how hard it seems it will get easier.
Love yourself first and foremost.
Make it happen.
Never lie, cheat or steal. Always strike a fair deal.
Open your eyes and see things as they really are.
Practice makes perfect.
Quitters never win and winners never quit.
Read, study and learn about everything important in your life.
Stop procrastinating.
Take control of your destiny.
Understand yourself in order to better understand others.
Visualize it.
Want it more than anything.
Xccelerate your efforts.
You are a unique and one of God's creations. Nothing can replace you.
Zero in on your target and go for it!

If I Could...

...I would
Send you the grandest things:
Unlimited shopping at Saks
Mink stoles and hats
First editions
Musical renditions
Murano glass
Real class
The Alps to ski
A classic MG
Open doors
No more wars
A priceless Vermeer
A world without fear
Jade, Spode
A mother lode
But if not the above
How about love?
To you from me
Absolutely free…

Wishing you and yours
A Joyous Holiday Season

Effective Ways to Deal With Stress

Those who deal with stress in positive ways usually have:

• A sense of self-determination
• A feeling of involvement in life’s experiences
• An ability to change negatives into positives

Self-determination refers to an ability to control or adapt to the events of everyday living. Rather than seeing ourselves as helpless in trying to overcome obstacles, we can begin to define ourselves as problem-solvers. We can remember times when we have been successful in solving problems and then see ourselves in those terms.

Involvement means opening ourselves up to the world around us. It means letting friends into our lives and sharing our experiences with others when appropriate. Cultivating a social network serves us well when we are dealing with stressful situations. Talking our way through a crisis in the presence of a supportive listener, rather than holding it in alone, is one of the best ways of gaining helpful feedback, putting the situation into perspective and sensing we are not alone.

A positive approach is one of the main attributes of those who deal well with stress. Rather than seeing difficulties as situations to complain about, the more adaptive person sees them as challenges that can be met with success. Losses can be seen as opportunities for gain.

The clue to handling stress is to acquire the skills we need to feel confident in our own capacities. Empowerment is a growth process that is never ending and self-initiated.

This week's blog is dedicated to my dear friend Denise, thank you for being my supportive listener…

Savvy Ways to Communicate With Your Mate, Lover or Significant Other

1. Love yourself.

It is impossible to love anyone, unless you truly love yourself first.

2. Make the commitment.

Affirm your importance and significance to each other and never negate it. If an event or situation arises that requires a decision, it should be discussed before a final answer is given.

3. Express appreciation and affection daily.

Think of yourselves as "diamond miners" digging through the rough to find the good (the diamond) in each other. By doing so, you will build each other psychologically and satisfy one of the deepest needs that everyone has, the need to be appreciated.

4. Re-examine your perspective.

Some of the traits that may irritate you about your mate are actually good qualities carried to the extreme. Bossiness can be viewed as leadership. Having a lack of emotion is desired and required for an excellent mediator. This does not give one the right to be bossy or repress emotional expression. It enables you to overlook the extreme, should the occasional occurrence arise.

5. Share positive communication.

Keep the conversation positive, not hostile. Never assume you know the answer or interrupt while another is speaking. This will enhance the ability to share thoughts, promote respect and feel cherished. Positive communication builds trust, the foundation for all lasting relationships.

6. Spend as much time together as possible.

This will vary based on schedules, but do attempt more than once per week. Quantity counts as much as quality does when it comes to forming a lasting bond.

7. Nurture romance and well-being.

At least once a week, take the time to indulge each other with the following:

· Give each other a 30 minute massage
· Take a bubble bath by candle light (wine & champagne are optional)
· Give each other a foot or hand massage
· Serve breakfast in bed
· Dance in a candlelit room while listening to soft music

8. Deal with stress constructively.

Realize that crises encourage unity, making bonds more powerful. Never take conflict personally and realize that disagreements aren't personal. Discussions when angry are not acceptable and should never be tolerated.

9. Laugh more.

There is humor in any situation! Laughter will ease those awkward and/or embarrassing moments. It makes “the hard pills in life” much easier to swallow.

10. Review your progress in thirty days - your achievement will surprise you.

The most important, savvy thing to remember – never settle for ordinary because life’s extraordinary!

Giving Thanks

Contrary to popular belief, the first recorded Thanksgiving ceremony took place on September 8, 1565. Under the leadership of Pedro Menendez de Aviles, six hundred Spaniards landed at what is now St. Augustine, Florida, and immediately held a Mass of Thanksgiving for their safe delivery to the New World; there followed a feast and celebration. It had nothing to do with Pilgrims, Indians or turkey…that happened fifty-six years later.

In fact, the Pilgrims of Plymouth owe quite a bit of thanks to Squanto, a Patuxet Native American who resided with the Wampanoag tribe. Squanto taught the Pilgrims how to catch eel, grow corn and served as an interpreter for them; he learned English as a slave in Europe.

In 1621, immediately after their first harvest, the Pilgrims set apart a day to celebrate. At the time, this was not regarded as a Thanksgiving observance; harvest festivals were existing parts of English and Wampanoag tradition alike. The Pilgrims did not hold a true Thanksgiving until 1623, following a drought. The Pilgrims prayed for rain and a rain shower followed. In the Plymouth tradition, Thanksgiving Day became a church observance, rather than a feast day.

The day two races came together to give thanks, share food and fellowship should be remembered, celebrated and honored. However, the commercialism of today’s Thanksgiving celebration, with the plethora of tacky turkey trinkets makes me gag, yuck! Not to trivialize an important day in American history, but shouldn’t we be giving thanks for the gifts, blessings and love we receive on a daily basis, not just on a designated Thursday in November? Yes, many of us do, but far more do not.

On Thanksgiving Day, when you sit down to your traditional meal and celebrate with family and friends, start a new tradition…giving thanks daily.

Healthier by Intuition

In her book, Awakening Intuition, Dr. Mona Lisa Schultz unveils phenomenal information about intuition. Years of research, the result of her quest to find answers to her own health issues, enabled her to scientifically prove that intuition is “real” and should be listened to in order to maintain optimum balance of the mind, body and spirit.

Intuition doesn't exist exclusively among a picayune group of individuals possessing extraordinary, God-given powers. It is a sense we all possess, like seeing or feeling or hearing. Intuition is a unique language created by the brain and body. It helps us understand our past and provides solutions for the future to create stronger, more pleasurable lives.

Accepting the presence and working of intuition in your life can involve a leap of faith. It requires the suspension of disbelief. Most of us must go through the act of intuiting, to experience the amazing sensation involved, before we can begin to implement intuition in our lives. Learning to decipher your own unique language of intuition can help you immeasurably in creating a happier, healthier life and a healthier body.

Memories and emotions are stored in every tissue and organ in our bodies, revealing themselves as symptoms and disease in our organs. In fact, a substantial number of scientific studies have indicated that certain emotional and psychological patterns are associated with diseases in specific organs; other studies support the link between specific memories and emotions and certain organ-specific diseases, such as breast cancer, coronary heart disease and Parkinson's disease.

Dr. Schultz states, “The key to healing lies in the unconscious. If we are aware of what’s stored, we gain a rational understanding of how our past influences our conscious minds and actions.” To accomplish this, we must learn to tap into our intuition network, to help us envision and create healthier lives, instead of allowing old memories and patterns of behavior to continue recreating painful experiences.

Kudos...

...to all of the Veterans! Thank you for doing what you do for our country's freedom!

Person vs. Activity – How Do You Choose?

My dear friend, ZuZu, asked me for advice regarding what she referred to as “a puzzling situation.” She and a particular gentleman have been friends for about a year and a half. There is an astounding bond between them – so astounding, when together, it is felt by strangers - yet hectic work schedules and personal situations make it difficult for them to spend quality time together on a frequent basis. When they do, it is always memorable.

Recently, she received tickets to a WWE event. For those of you unfamiliar with WWE - it is wrestling. She asked her friend to join her. He said, “No. It’s not my thing.” She’s puzzled because it is on a Monday night, thus they both actually have some free time…a rare thing. Considering their history, she really believed he’d accompany her.

My advice to her – if a man really wants to spend time with you, there is absolutely nothing that will keep him away. This is WWE, a guy thing, not shoe shopping.

My loyal readers and Twitter followers, here’s a question for you, “When it comes to spending time with someone you care about, does the activity really matter?”

ZuZu would love to hear your advice, thoughts and comments, so please post yours for her to read.

Until next time, I leave you with a quote from Dr. Seuss, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Brotherhood: A Human Responsibility

The promise and reality of mankind’s survival
is contingent upon brotherhood,
our kinship – one human to another.

It is our responsibility
to dissolve a foundation
of ignorance and fear.

Invalidate man-made barriers
and fearlessly cross
that not cast in stone.

Tenderly embrace
the once considered stranger,
now unaccustomed friend.

Sex is not an Affirmation for Self-Esteem

The definition of self-esteem can be stated as the reputation we have with ourselves. It is not the feeling we get from a new outfit or a compliment or the need to have sex with an acquaintance or stranger to get over a relationship. New clothes, compliments, sex and all temporary lifts make us feel good for the moment, but they have a fleeting quality that needs to be reinforced as often as the tides change in our lives. These temporary fixes are not something we can count on to be with us through life's ups and downs.

Self-esteem is earned by us, for us and is not given by nature to some and not others. We are not born with a healthy self-esteem. We must acquire it if we are to walk the path of life with peace and dignity. Some of us develop a healthy self-esteem at an early age, while others work long and hard to cultivate it.

Nathaniel Branden, author of "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" and "The Psychology of Romantic Love", says there are three challenges of life. Number one is to have the ability to take independent care of ourselves. Number two is developing competence in all relationships and number three is resistance. We will all know pain and defeat, but the important element here is - get back in the ring. This is the sure sign of healthy self-esteem.

Life may knock us down, but our self-worth says the experience happened to me, but it is not who I am. Unfortunately, in far too many cases, young women with low self-esteem use sex hoping that their partner will like them or will desire them or perhaps think they are the best thing they’ve ever experienced and will want and need them forever. This is destructive behavior and is NOT solid footing for a healthy long-term relationship.

Self-esteem allows us to place a higher value on our bodies, including the ability to take care of our health by practicing safe sex and by knowing when and if we are ready to take the responsibility of becoming a parent. It permits us to place our own importance on our sexuality by knowing who we are in this area and then finding a partner who is sexually compatible.

The following statistics are eye opening:

Over 40 million (1 in 5) people have genital herpes and 20 million have genital warts. Many people have passed an STD to a sex partner without knowing it. Incidence of genital herpes in the United States has increased 30% over the past 20 years. The largest increase has occurred in Caucasians, about 1 million new cases. Furthermore, 1 in 4 Caucasian women are infected with the genital herpes. The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) showed that an estimated 56,300 new HIV infections occurred - a number that is substantially higher than the previous estimate of 40,000 annual new infections. African American women represented 66% of AIDS diagnoses in women.

According to the philosopher Ayn Rand, sex is the highest expression of love and the greatest tribute - of one’s own physical existence - that one can offer to another within the context of romantic love. Sex is the affirmation of one’s body and spirit - the union of bodies motivated by and in response to the intimate connection of minds and one’s mind is identical to one’s self.

I’ve always said the mind is the sexiest part of the human anatomy. Happy and healthy or a statistic, which would you rather be?

Dialog in the Dark

Guided by an unfamiliar cane, I test the ground to feel where the dirt ends and the lawn begins. Continuously bumping into my visually deprived comrades, I brush against what I believe to be a bush, so I reach out to touch the leaves with my fingers. The sound of birds chirping and the smell of grass indicate I’m in a park.

I follow Jody’s voice - he is our visually impaired guide - through the park and suddenly hear the sounds of traffic rushing by on a busy street. I stop and use my cane to find the curb, but find myself bumping into a bicycle and car bumper before I reach the solid pole holding what I’m told is the traffic light. Jody then assures the group it is safe to cross…

What am I doing, you ask? I am learning to navigate Dialog in the Dark, an exhibit in which visually impaired guides lead sighted visitors through totally darkened, yet multi-textured environments inside Atlantic Station in Atlanta, Georgia. Andreas Heinecke, a German philosopher, designed the exhibit to increase awareness of the challenges of disability, while demonstrating the world is not "less," just different for the disabled.

In addition to the park and busy street, the exhibit includes a grocery, a kitchen, a boat ride and ends in a café. In the café, you are given the opportunity to blindly purchase beverages and chat with your guide about the experience.

If Dialog in the Dark comes to your city, I highly recommend the experience!

What Does Your Music Say About You?

Jazz is played and listened to by all people - in harmony together. Pigmentation differences have no place...as in genuine democracy, only performance counts. -- Norman Granz, Verve Records

Being an audiophile, music fills my day. From the moment I awake, to the time I go to sleep, there is always a song in the background. In fact, those who call my personal cell phone are greeted with music instead of an ordinary ring. Music’s notes whisper gently in my ears, keeping me centered, as I engage in activities throughout the day.

Jazz, Classical and Rock are my top three. Hip Hop is my least favorite, and Country  … well, it just doesn’t do it for me. Being a New Orleanian, Jazz flows through me like blood in my veins. My childhood memories are filled with Sunday afternoons in Jackson Square, listening to Harry Connick, Sr. lead a jazz band, while I played with Harry, Jr. in the park.

Does growing up in New Orleans mean I'm predestined to like Jazz? Possibly. According to an article in the October 2008 issue of Psychology Today, artistic preferences have a strong genetic component. In fact, the research decodes tastes and analyses people based on their preference in music. The findings are as follows:

Rock music: you’re a social person, but easily stressed out or depressed.

Country music: you’re athletic, reliable and focused. You are friendly, cheerful and don’t get stressed out or depressed very often.

Pop: you’re friendly and social, but not verbally gifted.

Rap, Funk or Electronic/Dance: you’re energetic and social.

Hip-Hop or Soul: you’re upbeat and conventional.

Classical: you’re reflective and complex. People describe you as quiet and thoughtful and you have a gift for language.

Jazz: you’re outgoing, social and verbally gifted.

As I read the article, I smiled and thought of friends, their musical choices and the accuracy of the research. Genres aside, we can all say, "I've got the music in me."

South Louisiana - The Forgotten Economic Resource

The ports of New Orleans, South Louisiana and Baton Rouge provide important access to world markets and sources of exported and imported raw materials. These three ports are significant to the economy of the nation. They cover 172 miles on both banks of the Mississippi River. The ports of South Louisiana, New Orleans and Baton Rouge rank third, fourth and fifteenth, respectively in total trade by port to all world ports.

According to the North American Export Grain Association, these three ports serve as a gateway for nearly 55 to 70 percent of all U.S. exported corn, soy and wheat. Barges carry these grains from the Mississippi River to the ports for storage and export. Imports to these ports include steel, coffee, fruits, vegetables, iron, metal ores, non-metallic minerals, inorganic chemicals, forest products, vegetable fats and oils, natural rubber, fertilizers and organic chemicals.

In addition, Louisiana produced – not imported - 53,034,353 barrels of crude oil in 2007. Eighteen percent of U.S. oil production originates in, is transported through or is processed in Louisiana coastal wetlands with a value of $6.3 billion a year. Almost 24 percent of U.S. natural gas production originates in or is processed in Louisiana’s coastal wetlands with a value of $10.3 billion a year.

Louisiana’s OCS (outer continental shelf) territory is the most extensively developed and matured OCS territory in the United States. It has produced 88.8 percent of the crude oil and condensate and 83.2 percent of the natural gas extracted from all federal OCS territories from the beginning of oil and gas exploration and development in the U.S.

In addition to oil and gas, Louisiana’s coastal wetlands contribute 28 percent to the total volume of U.S. fisheries.

The United States depends on the oil and gas shipped through and produced in Louisiana’s coastal zone. An economic impact study entitled “Economic Impacts of Port Fourchon on the National and Regional Economies” was recently released. Completed by Dr. Loren Scott with Loren C. Scott and Associates, the study provides evidence of the critical importance of Port Fourchon to our regional and national economies. Dr. Scott said, “We engaged in this report to find out the dollars and cents and what exactly Port Fourchon means to this country.”

According to the study, if Port Fourchon had a 3-week loss of service for any reason, it would equate to a national economic impact of $9.9 billion in sales loss, $2.9 billion in household earnings loss and over 77,000 jobs loss nationally. These figures are based on $66 barrel of oil. To paraphrase Don Pierson, Assistant Secretary of Louisiana Economic Development, “This report is a valuable tool to build the economy, assets and investments in this state. We can use this to show the Department of Homeland Security, Department of Commerce and other organizations that Louisiana ports are a major asset.”

Our recent financial debacle stemmed from greed, misappropriation of funds and the ego of many in power. The government immediately assisted a self-inflicted fiasco. Three years ago, a force majeure impacted a major U.S. economic resource - South Louisiana. To date, there are many areas still uninhabitable.

Sometimes I think the United States of America is no longer a democratic country. Is South Louisiana too dark and too poor for “REAL” government assistance? Is assisting the redevelopment of Louisiana's economic resources a trivial pursuit? Is New Orleans a foregone conclusion?

I’ve heard it said that the best place for the devil to hide is right in plain view. Perhaps the devil is a Republican...LOL!

In the upcoming election, let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer because our laws should apply equally to all with bias towards none.

The Words of Thomas Jefferson Resonate Today

In 1802, Thomas Jefferson said, “I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that grow up around [the banks] will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered. The issuing power should be taken from the banks and restored to the people, to whom it properly belongs."

What a powerful 206-year-old statement! Considering our country's financial debacle, do you think Mr. Jefferson is tossing in his grave?

Spend Your Time Wisely

Who are you spending your time with these days? Is it that same group of friends who hang out griping? I guarantee you that discussing the state of the economy and competing as to who has had the worst day are NOT going to help you move forward. While you can rely on these folks - some of them at least - for support, they may not be so good at giving you creative ideas for making positive changes in your life.

To quote Walter Cronkite, “ I can’t imagine a person becoming a success who doesn’t give this game of life everything he’s got.” Success is a direct result of effort put forth; it has nothing to do with a lucky break. Many may not realize what happened behind the scenes in that which appeared as someone’s lucky break.

Remember, don’t just follow the crowd to be normal, strive to be extraordinary…you’ll be glad you did!

To Inspire

According to Merriam-Webster, the word inspire means to fill with enlivening or exalting emotion; to affect, guide or arouse by divine influence; to stimulate energies, ideals or reverence. That’s a powerful definition for a seven-letter word. But what inspires you? Is it a person or a place? Your minister, priest or rabbi? The message you received from Sunday’s sermon? A meal prepared by your favorite chef? A painting or poem? A book or movie? Or, maybe a blog :-)?

We are all inspired by one thing or another, but are you aware of how you inspire others? Your acts of kindness, your smile or your words of wisdom can inspire profoundly. In many cases, you may not be aware of the depth in which your actions inspire. The gift of inspiration is a beautiful thing…especially when it’s acknowledged.

Next time someone inspires you, reciprocate the gift with the joy of acknowledgement.

Reflection and Growth

Each year on the eve of my birthday, I reflect upon lessons learned over the past year and set goals for the upcoming one. I’ve come to understand that however unwelcome an event may be at the time, it always leads to a positive outcome in the future. I consider friends and acquaintances and how they make me feel. Spending my time with those embodying allegorical exuberance, distancing myself from the slightest tenebrosity of envy, resentment and spitefulness.

This year, I share my insights…

• A smile can unlock the hardest of hearts
• Treasure your relationships
• Express gratitude and appreciation
• Say “I love you” as often as possible
• The person who possesses the largest bookshelf, not designer fashions, wallet or gun, holds true power
• Transcend political correctness, strive for human righteousness
• The truth can hurt and often does…get over it and move forward
• Let go of the past or you won’t have room for a future
• The bigger your challenge, the bigger your lesson
• Mistakes repeated = lessons not learned
• When life is stormy, dance in the rain
• Cold crow is hard to swallow; apologize wholeheartedly as soon as possible
• Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of the situation

May you have enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to realize true happiness.

Remembering...

It’s hard to think of anything else today but the events of seven years ago. The words “nine eleven” and “September 11th” have taken on entirely new meanings. They don’t just represent a date anymore—they’re the event itself.

As we remember the tragedy and victims of 9/11, ask yourself if there is something you can do to make a difference beyond your own circle of family and friends? Reach out to someone who needs your help and support, spend time with loved ones or just sit and appreciate all the wonderful things in your life. Find it in your heart to forgive someone or reconcile a forgotten relationship. Today is the perfect day to do it. Whether it’s donating to a charity or volunteering your time, spend this day remembering how truly blessed your life is.

Today could be the start of something bigger in your life.

Life...

...looks after those who live it. How are you living yours?

Enough

The past ten days have been emotionally trying to say the least. I’ve dealt with the lost of a dear friend last week, now “deja hurricane” this weekend. It is said that love in one’s heart and faith in God will calm the most difficult storms we face in life. God always gives us enough of what we need.

My faith comforts and strengthens me. The heavenly hugs that embrace me are revealed not as arms around me, but by timely words of encouragement delivered by angels, personified as family and friends. Thank you my dear family and friends for being angels in my life.

Earlier this week, I was hugged from above in the form of an email from a new friend. Her email contained the follow poem by Bob Perks:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

I hope this poem hugs you, as it did me and I hope it comforts all that are in need of comforting.

John's Balcony

We laughed
We spoke
I sometimes cried
He often joked
Libations overflowed
Sometimes until dawn
He shared his emotions
Very openly

Never withdrawn
The balcony at his place
With a tree that hid a wry face
Our comforting assuage
Eased the burdens of life
As we stood daily on its stage

This is dedicated to my very dear friend, John David Cochran, who recently passed away. His friendship was a gift and his spirit will live forever...

How to Destroy a Relationship

• Be relentless in rubbing it in when you are proven right!
• Dogmatically maintain that you know your partner's motives better than he or she does!
• Totally ignore your partner's priorities and insist on your own!
• Operate on the assumption that your partner's sexual need cycle is identical to yours!
• Identify your partner's character flaws and family secrets and use them to make a point when logic fails!
• Use guilt to manipulate, get your own way or to punish!
• Become proficient at catching your partner being bad, but never comment if you catch him or her being good!
• Do not let go of the past, rehashing your version of it as often as possible!
• Cling very, very tightly, claiming that you will surly die if you are ignored!
• Make promises, but never keep them!
• Always make excuses for your bad habits!
• Pretend that you understand what you partner has said, even if you have no idea of the point that was being made!
• Act as though you do none of the above and it is your partner who must make all the changes!

Why Putting it in Writing Works

We all know that putting our goals in writing can make us more successful in life. We also know that when we focus on what we really want, we usually get it. But what is it that makes this work? It is our goal reaching mechanism in the brain; otherwise know as our Reticular Activating System or (RAS).

The Reticular Activating System’s function is to “turn on” our brains – it is the center of motivation. It’s connected from the spinal cord all the way up to the middle brain. This is where all outside stimulants (everything we taste, feel, smell, hear and touch) converges with all our internal thoughts and feelings.

The RAS determines whether a person is highly motivated or extremely bored. If this part of the brain were deactivated, you would end up in a coma. If it were over stimulated, you’d be focused on far too many things at once. People who suffer from ADD or ADHD may suffer from on over stimulated RAS.

The RAS is what keeps us in balance, controls our learning, our self-control or inhibition and our motivations. It also helps us to reach our goals. It does this by allowing us to stay focused and make decisions that move us toward our goals, as opposed to our dreams.

The most important aspect of setting goals…in order to reach them, we must first find something we love to do. It is much easier to remain focused on activities we enjoy. Once you are able to do that, you are on your way to real success.

In order for your RAS to work, you must practice goal setting. By putting your goals in writing, your RAS takes your internal thoughts and opens up the external world, which is full of information and enables you to focus on the desired accomplishment.

Focus on accomplishing your real dream, your real passion. Remember, you’ve got to set a goal on reaching it!

Live Life With No Regrets

Have you chosen to reach for the stars, living a life full of passion and possibilities? Or have you chosen to get really comfortable with watching your dreams pass you by and thinking about what might have been if not for those postponed and unfulfilled dreams? Only you can make the choice to live the life of your dreams. No one else can do it for you. You won't get what you want if you leave your life to others or to a number of random occurrences rather than a number of decisions.

If you want to live a fulfilling life with no regrets, you must live each day to its fullest. Think about the following areas of your life; where are you proactive and where do you need a push to get going?

· Strengthen your mind
Knowledge facilitates richer experiences and opportunities. Push the limits and find out where your true abilities lie. The mind knows where you are and can take you to where you want to be.

· Fear less, dare more
Do at least one thing every day that scares you. Don't be afraid to ask for more or reach for more. We could do it all if only we dared to go for it. Don't let fear paralyze you. All we need to do is overcome our fears and dare to follow our dreams. New experiences make our lives richer.

· Live with love and passion
Love and express love as much as you can as often as you can. Love unconditionally without any expectations. Be loving and passionate about yourself, others and your goals. Love and passion are motivating and inspirational.

· Serve others
Be a role model or a mentor. Help others live a better life. Leave a legacy. We thrive when we feel we are valued and have left the world a better place.

· Have a purpose
Purpose gives meaning to our lives. It changes our attitudes about life.

· Be fully present
To be fully present is to have no preoccupations with past or future. Remain in the now even when focusing on the past or speculating on the future might be more tempting. Smell the roses. Savor every moment as special and appreciate the beauty in life.

· Live with integrity and acceptance
To live in integrity is to have no actions that you regret; to be real to yourself and to others; to recognize that you are special, unique and precious. Accept and appreciate who you are and what you have but know that you always have the opportunity to become more. Accept and appreciate others because of who they are, not in spite of who they are.

Most important, remember the serenity prayer, " God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference."

Value the Present

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day is deleted in the evening.

What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course! Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME.

Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as a lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours.

There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow". You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success!

The clock is running; make the most of today.

• To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
• To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
• To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
• To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
• To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
• To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
• To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have! Treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time. Remember that time waits for no one.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Leave the rest up to God!

Attitude

Attitude is a choice. Perceptions and reactions are colored by beliefs and interpretations. Our belief system was created by what we were taught to be proper, normal, acceptable, agreeable, productive and comfortable.

Some believe they have little or no control over how they react to situations as they arise. It is important to remember, you have control over the parameters you set; therefore, you have control over your final reaction and the attitude in which you decide to take in relating to any situation. If you currently react in a negative, stressful or unproductive manner to certain situations and you truly want to react in a positive, peaceful and productive manner, all you need to do is change your parameters. You have the power within to react peacefully to every situation.

In the book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor E. Frankl illustrates you can shift your perceptions, thus choose your attitude even during the most horrific of circumstances. He writes, "We who lived in the concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: The last of his freedoms, to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."

Your destiny is a result of what you do now. You are responsible for what you are doing and experiencing now, thus you are responsible for the destiny you will experience in the future! You are in a constant state of creating your destiny and every moment contributes to the destiny you will experience. You have a more control over your current reality than your ego has allowed you to remember. You are in a constant state of creating and manifesting your reality. Each moment in your life is created, manifested and experienced by you for your growth and development.

Creation is the act of bringing a thought to your mind, forming a plan for its implementation and execution then putting that plan to action. Manifestation is the result of your mental creation. Experience is the way you choose to see and react to your manifestation.

What you experience in your physical world is simply a reflection of what is in your mind. Changing the thoughts that you allow to enter your mind can change your reality. If your mind lacks clarity, the circumstances that you will manifest in your physical world will also lack clarity. If thoughts of peace and love fill your mind, then the circumstances that you will manifest in your physical world will be equally as peaceful and loving.

Open your mind and entertain the possibility that it is your mind and not the outside world that needs changing. For a moment, put the ego’s demands aside and simply recognize that this change will not come about by becoming something more or better, but by simply bringing yourself into a closer realignment with who you have always been.

By looking back at your life, you can better understand which lessons you have chosen to learn and which lessons you are still in the process of learning. Patterns or lessons repeat themselves because you choose not to learn from them. You make certain ‘mistakes’ in your life that you don’t learn from and you repeat them until you learn to choose with love, forgiveness and the release of your grudges. Once you have learned what the pattern is about, it is no longer necessary to experience that pattern. Most patterns hold a value. Once the value is recognized, you are able to release yourself from it.

Only you can make the choice of how you see life, how you react to life and how you live life. You may attract others to your life to assist you in your learning process, but it is you who gets to make the final choice of what you will focus on and experience.

Every person in your life is there for a reason. If your current perception is anything but that of gratitude, you will create confusion. It is in the state of confusion that patterns and lessons are repeated.

It is your beliefs and perceptions that will drive your focus; it is what you focus on that you will experience. To prove this, spend a day with an optimist and a day with a pessimist. Once you do this, you will never again question that person’s reality. How he or she sees and reacts to the world is in that person’s mind and has little to do with the outer world.

Dump your grudges before life dumps you…

If Forever Came Tomorrow…

…what would you do today? Would you give attention to the most minor of details and prepare to move slowly and deliberately forward? Would your actions be simple, yet as forceful as that of continuously dripping water wearing away stone? Would you befriend someone who has never known one and never would? Would you look for the quiet corners in your heart instead of looking for the quiet corners of the world? Would you tell your mother she did a good job (and tell daddy, too)? Would you remember that life is not art but living is? Would you ride the currents of a laugh and embrace an intelligent thought? Would you say to those who should have been told it, “You were right and I was wrong”? Would you let others know what it is like to be the most important person in someone else’s life? Would you realize that being in love is not finding a perfect person, but finding an imperfect person perfect?

Because people change and forget to tell each other, if tomorrow was forever what are your actions saying about you today?

The Call For Men

Give us men. Good men. Men with true faith, strong minds, heroic hearts and ready hands. Men whose feet have a way of sticking to a chosen path without straying when a bump is encountered. Men who are as hard as a rock, yet sensitive and compassionate. Men who will not emotionally tease, having no intention of following through with what is/was said by demonstration/action! Men whose will is strong enough not to be shaped and fashioned by society’s shallow perceptions. Men who are willing to stand up when the odds are against them because they are men.

So, I ask…is this too much?

Emotional Cheating

Emotional cheating can be just as devastating if not more so than sexual cheating. Sexual cheating is exciting but doesn't necessarily involve emotional bonds. Emotional cheating is more destructive and leaves one with deeper feelings of betrayal.

Although there may be no physical contact, when two people start sharing intimate details of their lives they begin to form a bond. They share secrets they are not sharing with their partner, believe they understand each other and have a deeper connection than with their current partner. They delude themselves into believing that they are just good friends, yet deep down they feel it means far more than a regular friendship would.

As two people are drawn closer together an underlying sexual attraction will develop, which can be just as exciting and flirtatious as a physical affair. Therefore, when someone has been emotionally cheated on, they find it much harder to deal with because the betrayal is so personal.

Being a Friend

Treat your friends as friends should be treated: be sincere, considerate, courteous, truthful, loyal, sympathetic, helpful and above all, keep your word. If you are a friend, you will stay when others walk out; you will lend a hand when others are too busy.

It takes time to make and hold friends; for relationships made fast seldom last. Always remember…the cannibal who eats you up the first time he sees you will just as quickly become nauseated with you later.

On the runway of life...

...when the wind
shakes me off balance
I want to steady myself
in the arms of a man
who won’t ask me to be
what he needs
but lets me exist as I am.

The free spirit of a lioness
a tempting seductress
the highly creative artist
with an unquenchable exuberance
for living life to the fullest.

Will reality and imagination
combine into a jigsaw puzzle
of unmatched pieces?
Or, will the vivid pictures
in his mind spur
the tranquility of this reality?

One thing’s for sure
this you will see
as I strut down life’s runway
I’ve got to be me!

To Daddy With Love

We are fortunate that fathers offer us experiences and insights quite different from our mothers. While our mothers caution us, “Be careful,” “Button up,” and “Wash your hands,” our fathers shout, “Better not let your mom find out,” and “Go for it!” (Thank you, daddy!!!)

But fathers can be as nurturing as they are macho. I’m sure you remember crawling into your dad’s lap to listen to him read you a story or the feel of his hand on the back fender, steadying the bicycle as you took your first wobbly ride.

Most of us owe our courage, self-confidence, competitive spirit and ability to drive a stick shift (Amen) to our dads. He is a teacher, coach, protector, hero, friend and cheerleader. Whether we call him father, daddy, pops or dad, one thing’s for sure – he’s the Main Man!

Like the Energizer bunny, the things my father taught me keep me going and going and going…

So daddy, this hug’s for you!!!

Gentlemen, This One's For You

The word "coaching" is very appealing, especially to men. It allows them to access basic psychological principles in a way that's socially acceptable. You begin talking about work and that's the place where most men feel competent or at least comfortable. At some point, the coach then begins to ask about work-life balance and that acts as a bridge into the personal life.

Coaching is not the same a therapy. One is an open-ended exploration of the origins of emotional makeup; the other is usually short-term and focused on achieving concrete goals, often in the context of career. You don't have to get in touch with your feelings; instead you are taught how to manage them. Typically men prefer this approach as it enables them to concentrate on such things as emotional intelligence, better relationship management skills and a more successful personal style.

People often trace their personal style at work back to their family of origin and even back to some defining crisis, i.e., throwing one's self into their job to overcome the loss of a loved one. Career or life coaching effectively induces changes that usually move from the person's work life into their private life. Nine out of 10 times the side effects from coaching is improved personal relations at home.

Coaching began its growth in the 1990's with the surging growth of Internet and tech companies. This happened so quickly that employees and managers had to learn social and management skills on the fly. These were the IT types who were accustomed to working by themselves, alone in a room. Then, suddenly, they're managing people and know absolutely nothing about human dynamics.

Asking for help, showing weakness, admitting you have no control and revealing yourself to a stranger just aren’t things guys are taught how to do. By and large, these are not the men who seek solutions on the couch. Therapy itself is antithetical to everything it is to be male in this society. This is why coaching is so appealing to men. After all, it was Michael Jordan who once remarked, "A coach is someone who makes you do what you don't want to do in order to be what you want to be". If a great natural athlete like Michael Jordan can benefit from coaching, perhaps coaching will continue to provide needed support for performance improvement in more executive suites as well.

Are Your Riches Rich?

In his last will and testament, Patrick Henry wrote, “This is all the inheritance I can give to my dear family. The religion of Christ will give them one which will make them rich indeed.”

Our most precious riches are in the heart, not in the bank. If your heart is filled with faith, hope, love, self-respect, peace and good will, you are rich, the richest rich! Why…because those means supply the greatest need.

Remember, when you are laying away valuables never forget to put a few in your heart…they count the most!

Live a Rewarding Life

For life to be the fullest, sweetest and most rewarding:

• Do more than move; improve.
• Do more than get; give.
• Do more than regret; learn.
• Do more than look; see.
• Do more than sympathize; help.
• Do more than build a house; make a home.
• Do more than breathe; live.
• Do more than live; love.

Living a Passionate Life

Take passionate action towards living your life by design. Talk is cheap, action equals deposits in the bank of a passionately authentic future…without action, passion is void.

Commit yourself to powerfully create a life you can love. Instead of reacting, commit to creating from your heart, out of love rather than fear. You will be amazed as the transformation begins.

Recognize and embrace the thought that each moment is perfect regardless of its outcome. If you are not pleased with the outcome, decide to use that moment to learn from and make the appropriate shift.

Dwell completely in a place of gratitude. Slipping into neediness will become less of a habit when you repeatedly shift towards gratitude.

Use Recognize/Re-evaluate/Restore to replace the commonly used Shoulda/Woulda/Coulda.

Keep humor at the forefront of thought. You may find yourself quite entertaining when you loosen up! Humor is very attractive, very passionate: life-giving.

Trust that you are in the right place at the right time to learn whatever lessons you are meant to be learning. Become a part of a community of people where you can express from the heart and embrace each other's dreams and life philosophy. Know that you will be honored as you honor one another.

When emotions arise, flow with them. Take time out to be fully in the moment. This will model what it means to be authentically engaged in life, no matter what is dished out.

Be strongly vulnerable in connecting with people core to core instead of superficially. Do this by replacing the tendency of backing away with drawing closer.

Believe that you are the architect of your destiny. No one can take your passionate future from you except you! Create your life authentically. Watch everything flow into place with perfect, passionate precision.

Be Natural

The only way to be somebody is to be you. In the drama of life, you are cast in only one role - yourself - and you should play it, not imitate another. This does not bar improvements, but make them as real as you are.

Mother-Made

Of all the names held sacred in our hearts, none equal the sweet and sublime name of Mother. How precious are the recollections of a mother’s patient training. How many have nobly ascribed all recognized success to the devotion and guidance of mother. Through helpless infancy, adolescence and at times, adulthood, her heart was and is our support and protection.

To a large extent we are mother-made, as she instilled a way of life in our hearts. As we reflect on our lives, we are apt to find that we mirror our mother. Someone once told me I was a self-made woman. Startled by the comment, I paused momentarily and responded,” No, I’m not a self-made woman. I think my mother had much to do with it.”

Even though it may not have been said as often as it could have, may all mothers know the joy you bring and have brought to your children’s hearts.

With love and appreciation to my mother, JoAnn, I honor you today and always.

No Regrets

Life is too short to wake up with regrets!
Love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy,
but the best things are definitely worth it!

A Man Does What He Must

A man has a heart that loves, rejoices, bleeds and breaks just like that of a woman, though he must withhold the visible signs. His role calls for firmness and readiness for life’s battles, which dims his softness.

He goes out into a world of conflict to strive for those he loves. Taking life’s beatings without tears or complaints and steadily carrying on; fighting and toiling, he takes reproaches and praises with the same smiling face and unchecked determination. He has a heart of gold, though we often fail to see it.

Ladies, hug your man, not only does he need it, he deserves it!

To Speak or Not to Speak

Syrian native Publilius Syrus, the 1st century B.C. writer of maxims, was brought as a slave to Italy. Fortunately, his wit and talent won the favor of his master, who freed and educated him.

His famous quote, "Speech is a mirror of the soul: as a man speaks, so is he", resonates dearly in my heart. His talent and unwavering conviction enabled him to express what many were probably thinking, but were afraid to verbalize. Using wit, his thought provoking maxims were embraced and accepted.

Like Syrus, always speak from the heart with conviction, without fear and use wit to engage others with thought provoking statements.

Synergy, Temporary Insanity and Self-Evaluation

Synergy is the simultaneous action of separate people in which, together, have a greater total effect than the sum of their individual powers. When in love, it is quite possible to confuse synergy with infatuation’s temporary insanity, thus repeating relationship patterns that are less than healthy.

Recognizing relationship patterns is one of the most difficult, enlightening and liberating tasks we can do for ourselves. It takes self-honesty and objectivity, which can be quite painful and embarrassing. However, the payoff is liberating and fulfilling. Once we figure out that relationships aren’t random events that happen, but are a result of our own patterns, we can reclaim our power and remind ourselves that we are the authors writing our chapter in the book of life.

There is a saying about patterns that holds true, “When you do what you did, you get what you got.” One must accept responsibility for the connection between what you do and what you get. By taking a long, hard look at the people around you and an even harder look at yourself, you will realize that no one is in our lives that we haven’t chosen to let in.

Before the temporary insanity of infatuation sets in, it is imperative to find out the character of the person you are inviting into your life. Ask questions and pay very close attention to the answers. Then, pay even closer attention to whether or not the answers match the person’s behavior. When there is a difference between what they say and how they behave, ignore the words and believe the behavior!

Someone who claims to believe in the importance of honesty would not lie. Someone who believes in commitment would not cheat. Someone who claims to be respectful would never demean or trivialize you or what is important to you.

Think long, hard and choose wisely…

As We Grow Up

As we grow up,
we learn that even the one person
who wasn't supposed to ever let you down,
probably will.
You will have your heart broken,
probably more than once,
and it's harder every time.
You'll break a few hearts, too,
so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing way too fast,
and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

Therefore, take many pictures, laugh as much as you can,
and love like you have never been hurt,
because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back!

Prioritize Your Life

Time management specialists teach us how to set priorities in the workplace, how to organize those priorities and how to stick to our priorities to get more done. Applying the same principles to our free time is equally important.

There are 168 hours in a week. Of those 168 hours, we spend about 40 of them working (a bit more if you keep the hours I do) and about 4 hours (more depending on traffic) a week in transit to and from our jobs. As a result, we are spending just over one quarter of our lives taking care of workplace business.

We spend another 56 hours a week sleeping, 7 hours grooming, 7 hours eating, leaving 54 hours in our week to do the things we really enjoy!

I am astonished by the efforts spent on managing the work week - just over 25% of our week, while the other 33% of our week, our free time, isn’t managed accordingly. Work seems to prevail and we fail to realize that we have lives beyond work.

Why do we recognize the need to prioritize our work lives and fall short on prioritizing our free time? What priorities have you set for yourself during the 54 hours available each week?

I applaud everyone who makes the commitment to manage time and priorities in the work place. However, do open your eyes to the part of your life that is bigger than work…the 33% of your life that belongs to you. Your happiness IS more important!!!

The Bliss of a Kiss

Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, “The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer.” Absolutely, Mr. Holmes! In fact, that echo can last for weeks on end.

While the scientific definition takes the sexiness out of it, isn’t it amazing that the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction brings such pleasure? Moreover, reveals emotions without words and on occasion, allows reality to slap us in the face.

The history of the kiss is quite interesting. In fact, the Romans started several kissing traditions that have lasted to the present day. In ancient Rome, couples became betrothed by kissing passionately in front of a group of people. This is probably one reason why couples kiss at the end of wedding ceremonies. Additionally, although most people today think of love letters as "sealed with a kiss," kisses were used to seal legal and business agreements. Ancient Romans also used kissing as part of political campaigns. However, several "kisses for votes" scandals in 18th century England led - in theory - to candidates kissing only the very young and very old.

I never believed in love at first sight, but an encounter in recent months changed this belief. However, it was a kiss that sealed the deal :-)!

David Gray's Interpretation of Love

In his song, Please Forgive Me, David Gray writes:

"Please forgive me if I act a little strange
For I know not what I do
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you

Help me out here
All my words are falling short
And there’s so much I want to say
Want to tell you just how good it feels
When you look at me that way
When you look at me that way

Throw a stone and watch the ripples flow
Moving out across the bay
Like a stone I fall into your eyes
Deep into some mystery
Deep into that mystery

I got half a mind to scream out loud
I got half a mind to die
So I won't ever have to lose you girl
Won't ever have to say goodbye
I won't ever have to lie
Won't ever have to say goodbye

Yeah na na na na
Yeah na na na na

Please forgive me if I act a little strange
For I know not what I do
It's like my head is filled with lightning, girl
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you"

Isn't it wonderful when a man expresses emotions! Food for thought gentlemen...

The Value of Friendship

Connections with others and the love exchanged in key relationships bring the greatest sense of meaning into our lives. We cannot begin to place a dollar value on the power another has to make us laugh or bring us joy.

It is in relationships with friends and loved ones where energy flourishes, illuminating our paths in life. When you feel good, everything is in sync. There is great wisdom in this emotional connection…joy is letting your heart lead the way.

Always embrace the blessing of friendship and never take its value for granted.

Love, Sacrifice and Self-Destruction

Love and happiness are the basis of life. Love is a celebration of one's own values embodied in another person. Romantic love is being able to see oneself reflected in the response of another. When in love, we are willing to do anything for another.

Love; however, is not about self-sacrifice. Love is not about giving up oneself, but expanding oneself. To mutually benefit, should be the guiding principle of all relationships. Self-sacrifice, or should I say, self-destruction, is detrimental to any altruistic relationship.

Once a relationship has run its course, is staying for the sake of the other really worth foregoing your happiness?

Building Trust

From a relationship with a co-worker to a marriage, everything is built on trust. Trust affects how we see the world, how safe we feel and how we approach new people and situations. It affects whether we’re willing to go the extra mile for a friend, relative, co-worker or even someone we’ve never met, but with whom we do business. When trust levels are high, we feel comfortable and accepted. When trust levels are low, we feel cautious and on edge.

A few tips on building trust in personal and professional relationships are…

Keep it confidential
Strong relationships are developed by being a trustworthy listener. When someone confides in you or shares personal information, don’t share it with others.

Keep your promises and follow through with commitments
When you keep your promises and follow through with commitments,

you show that you care, you’re reliable and that you can be counted on in the future.

Forgive and move on
To build trusting relationships, you must be able to forgive and move on. Let go of old arguments, resentments and issues from the past.

Communicate openly and honestly
You must be willing to communicate openly, honestly and freely, and to share your ideas, thoughts and concerns.

Learn to recognize whom to trust
The unfortunate fact is that not everyone can be trusted. Use your instincts, good judgment and interactions with people to determine whether or not someone can be trusted. If you feel uncomfortable, take time to figure out why you feel this way.

Always remember...to trust others, we need to be able to trust ourselves.

Character or Reputation

Seeing these two words together, we often mistakenly believe that you cannot have one without the other. Reputation is what others think of us. It is the opinion held by others concerning who we are and the motives they believe we have in doing what we do. We can have a "good" reputation, or a "bad" reputation. However, we must realize that both are relative. A reputation, good or bad, is only in the eye of the beholder.

Much more valuable is our character. Character is who we are when no one is looking. It is not just the face in the mirror, but the "face behind the face". A person with impeccable character remains rock solid when standing in the face of false accusations, insinuations, slander and ridicule. Even though the hurt is real, despair and depression cannot take hold and bring them to defeat.

Reputations come and go. Character will hold you through the storms. Develop character and you will never have regrets.

The Uncertainty Principle

Quantum physicist Werner Heisenberg is famous for his Uncertainty Principle. Heisenberg believed that reality is what can be observed. If there are different observations, there must be different realities, which depend on the observer. In stating such, he can be regarded as an advocate of philosophical idealism - objects of perception are identical with the ideas we have about them.

The idealist view denies that any particular thing has an independent essence. This is a far cry from Einstein’s Relativity Theory. Einstein believed in a reality independent of what we can observe, which is in essence the view of realism.

Two great scientists and two completely different observations, yet, both are equally significant. There is reality and there is our view of reality based on our emotional state of mind at any given time. As impartial as we think we are, our emotions and attitude play a significant role in how we view life and our outcome.

On the positive side, if we change our attitude, we can change the outcome of any given situation for the better. Antagonistic points of view, based on judgment not fact, have the adverse effect.

Paul Haggis gives us an excellent illustration of this in his 2004 film, Crash. The trailer states, “Moving at the speed of life, we are bound to collide with each other. Live your life at the point of impact.” If you haven't seen the film, please do so, as it will be a life changing experience.

As in physics, so in life…never underestimate the impact you have on any situation.

Creativity is Good for Your Health

A study conducted by Dr. Gene D. Cohen of George Washington University suggests the health effects of participating in music, art, dance and poetry programs.

The results - people got healthier and happier.

"After a year, we saw actual improvement," says Gene D. Cohen of George Washington University, who headed the study of about 300 men and women over age 65. The study, sponsored by the National Endowment for the Arts, the National Institute of Mental Health and other organizations, took place in three cities, Washington, D.C., Brooklyn, N.Y., and San Francisco.

Half of the people in the study engaged in the cultural programs, the other half were the “control group." Both groups were similar in health and lived alone. Both groups were monitored on a range of measures from physical strength to mental health and social behavior.

Preliminary findings indicated impressive benefits of a creative fitness regimen. After a year, those in the cultural study group were healthier than they were when the study began. They were also in better shape than those in the control group. They reported better overall health, fewer doctor visits, less use of medications, and fewer falls and hip damage. They also reported less depression, less loneliness and higher morale.

All this suggests that mental activities play a significant role in health. It's common sense that diet and exercise matter to health. But it's nice to know that throwing paint on a canvas or writing a poem matters, too….maybe just as much.

Dealing with Workplace Stress

Stress in the workplace may be a given, but that doesn’t mean you have to give in! Here are a few techniques that will keep your stress at manageable proportions:

• Setting reasonable goals and a timetable in which to do so, will allow your accomplishments to add up at a steady pace.
• Taking pride in your work will make you strive to do your best, which will result in confidence, enthusiasm and optimism.
• Treating others with courtesy and respect will create a pleasant and productive environment.
• Learning to enjoy your work will make your job more interesting and challenging, thus increases job satisfaction.
• Doing a little more than expected is always noticed, though not always immediately acknowledged. In the long run, your extra efforts will payoff.
• Keeping your job in perspective will allow you to divert some of your energy to those activities in life which bring you pure pleasure.
• Be willing to compromise, as your views, strategies, and ways of doing things may be and feel right to you, but not to everyone.

Nothing in life is guaranteed, but a little support and a change in attitude make coping a lot easier...

Your Place in Life

Some of us work backstage,
while others play in the orchestra.

Some may sing on-stage,
others sit in the audience to criticize or applaud.

Know who and where you are...embrace it, give thanks and bless it!

Nutritional Needs of Relationships

Just as our bodies need certain amounts of vitamins and nutrients to remain healthy, our relationships have needs, which if not met, will cause it to deteriorate and perhaps die.

The “nutritional” needs of a relationship are:

• Communication
• Physical Intimacy
• Recreation
• Spiritual Growth

How much effort do you put forth to ensure the needs of your mate are being satisfied? Notice that I didn’t say your needs. You might only need 10 minutes of physical intimacy each week; however, only 10 minutes for your mate would mean starvation.

Successful relationships require some degree of compromise. Yes, compromise may require some encroachment on one’s personal freedom, but if you aren't providing nutritional needs for your spouse/significant other, he or she will either wither away in the relationship or try to find “nutrition” outside of it.

To discover what your needs are individually and as a couple, take each of the four groups and discuss the various ways you can fulfill the nutritional requirements in your relationship. There’s more than one way to satisfy each category.

Here are a few to get you started.

Communication - a quick phone call from work to “touch base” can help remind you of the priority of your relationship and give you both a sense of continuity. Some people use a phone call during the day as a way to settle family business, so that when they do get home they are freer to simply enjoy each other’s company.

In addition, no matter how well you and your partner discuss your differences, it is normal not to agree on everything. In fact, your differences are probably part of what attracted you to each other in the first place. Recognize that not all problems have to be solved. Sometimes you just need to agree to disagree and be willing to listen to your partner’s point of view.

The most important thing to remember after a disagreement - find the strength to say you’re sorry. It will do wonders at smoothing over the rough feelings left afterward.

Physical intimacy –Spend time alone together to re-ignite the intimacy and romance in your relationship. It will help you remember what brought you together in the first place. It is important to “make” the time to be alone together, because you are unlikely just to “find” it.

Once a week or once a month, schedule the kind of date you had when you were single or before you began your family. Agree not to discuss the children, the in-laws, or finances. Dress up and go out to dinner, see a movie, or spend a “quality” evening at home with the phone turned off. Passionate intercourse, kissing and caressing should never be placed on the back burner.

Recreation - playing card or board games, going out to dinner, gardening, going to concerts or sporting events, golfing, bowling or developing rituals for daily life and holidays. Practice the rituals, as they will enrich your lives by providing stability -- acts of beauty, joy, and tenderness you know you’ll have whenever you are together.

Spiritual Growth - meditating and praying together, attending a small group meeting devoted to spiritual growth, reading a spiritual book together, attending a church, synagogue or mosque will strengthen your bond and faith. There is truth in the statement, "The family that prays together, stays together."

Your relationship will be stronger and more interesting if you give your partner time and space without you. Remember that one person can’t possibly meet all your needs. That is like saying man-made vitamins can replace the vitamins that you get from eating real food. They can't. Both you and your partner must keep and nurture outside friendships and interests.

Above all, believe that if you feel love and commitment for each other, and are willing to grow, you and your partner will keep your relationship fresh, strong, and close. Relationships are vital and flexibility is a positive enhancement.

If you truly want a thriving and healthy relationship, you need to learn the “nutritional” needs of your mate and do your best to fulfill them, amid all the other demands you have on your time and energy.

The History of Valentine’s Day

February 14th is Valentine's Day. Although it is celebrated as a lovers' holiday, with the giving of candy, flowers or other gifts between couples in love, it originated in 5th Century Rome as a tribute to St. Valentine, a Catholic bishop.

For eight hundred years prior to the establishment of Valentine's Day, the Romans practiced a pagan celebration in mid-February commemorating young men's rite of passage to the god Lupercus. The celebration featured a lottery in which young men would draw the names of teenage girls from a box. The girl assigned to each young man in that manner would be his sexual companion during the remaining year.

In an effort to do away with the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius ordered a slight change in the lottery. The names of young women were replaced with the names of saints, allowing both men and women to draw from the box. The game was to emulate the ways of the saint drawn for the rest of the year. Needless to say, many of the young Roman men were not pleased with the rule changes.

Instead of the pagan god Lupercus, the Church looked for a suitable patron saint of love to take his place. They found an appropriate choice in Valentine, who, in AD 270, was beheaded by Emperor Claudius.

Claudius determined that married men made poor soldiers, so he banned marriage from his empire. Ignoring the ban, Valentine would secretly marry young couples that came to him. When Claudius found out about Valentine, he tried to convert him to paganism, but Valentine reversed the strategy, trying instead to convert Claudius. When he failed, he was stoned and beheaded.

While Valentine was imprisoned, he fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer. His love for her and his great faith managed to miraculously heal her blindness. Before his death, he signed a farewell message to her, "From your Valentine." This phrase has been used on his day ever since.

The lottery was banned by the church, but the mid-February holiday in commemoration of St. Valentine was stilled used by Roman men to seek the affection of women. It became a tradition for the men to give the ones they admired handwritten messages of affection, containing Valentine's name.

The first Valentine card grew out of this practice. The first true Valentine card was sent in 1415 by Charles, duke of Orleans, to his wife. He was imprisoned in the Tower of London at the time.

Cupid, another symbol of the holiday, became associated with it because he was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty. Cupid often appears on Valentine cards today.

Failure vs. Success

Failure is the result of an accumulation of poor thinking and poor choices. Its most dangerous attribute is subtlety. Little errors accumulate without consequence to capture our attention, thus we drift from one day to the next, repeating the errors, thinking the wrong thoughts, listening to the wrong voices and making the wrong choices.

If the sky had fallen on us when our first error in judgment occurred, we would have taken immediate steps to ensure the act would not be repeated. Unfortunately, failure does not shout to us as our parents once did. This is why it is imperative to refine our philosophy in order to be able to make better choices. With a powerful personal philosophy guiding us, we become more aware of our errors in judgment and more aware that each error really does matter.

The formula to overcome failure and transform it into success is: a few simple disciplines practiced every day.

Both success and failure involve future consequences, the inevitable rewards, or the unavoidable regrets resulting from past activities. So, the question is, why don’t more people take the time to ponder the future? The answer: The problems and rewards of today are so absorbing that we never pause long enough to really think about tomorrow.

If we did take a few minutes everyday to look a little further down the road, we would then be able to foresee the consequences of our current conduct. Armed with that valuable information, we would be able to take the necessary action to change our errors into new “success oriented” disciplines. In other words, amend our errors and develop new habits to replace the old.

The empowering magic of this is the ability to mend our thinking, thus, the first day of a new life leading to a better future.

Life Happens…Lose the Excuses!

The clamor of chaos follows the frenetic face of frustration and it’s not even noon yet! Sounds like your day? It was mine at 9:00 a.m.! Forget lunch…meetings, followed by conference calls and a slue of emails to boot. I finally have moment to breathe - yippee - I then realize it is 6:00 p.m. Where did my day go?

Overwhelming, isn't it? Do you have similar days? Weeks go by, turning into months. Have you ever said, “I’ll call”, “Let’s do lunch” and “I always have time for you”, but are your words and actions really in sync? Are you guilty of making these statements over and over? How many friends and family members are you ignoring in the process of managing your life?

In one of Aesop’s many fables, we are told of a boy, who fictitiously cries wolf on more than one occasion. When the wolf really appears, the villagers ignore the boy’s cry based on past behavior. Are you “the boy who cries wolf” with words and empty promises? Do you use life as your excuse for not keeping in touch?

In the technological world in which we live, there are no excuses! Email, voice mail and text messaging enable us to keep in touch using minimal time. Actions really do speak louder than words. In fact, actions yell integrity, loyalty, consideration and respect. Empty excuses, could have, would have, should have and my favorite - I’ll try - are not acceptable, period!

Be true to yourself and to others by letting your actions speak louder than your words. Life happens to all of us…lose the excuses!

Achieve Peace by "Doing You" First

Any level of stress or peace you experience is directly related to the level of stress or peace within. If you are at peace with yourself, the world will appear peaceful. Thus, the more peaceful your inner world, the more peace you will experience and extend to the outer world. The same is true with stress. The more stress you feel within, the more stressful your experiences will feel.

The following are the words written on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop (1100 AD) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey. They illustrate this concept and how one man recognized the importance of "doing you" first.

"When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable. As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world."

Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made in the past and know that you are no longer what/who you were. When you bring your past into your present, you create a future exactly like your past. Living this way inhibits your peace and joy.

What you experience in your physical world is a reflection of what is in your mind. Changing the thoughts you allow to enter your mind can change your reality. If your mind lacks clarity, your physical world will also lack clarity. If thoughts of peace and love fill your mind, then your physical world will be equally as peaceful and loving.

To achieve peace, do you...any questions?

The Epitome of Selfishness

A very dear friend of mine shared something with me that totally blew my mind. Over the holidays, a long time friend of his was in a freak accident and passed away. Being a compassionate soul, he spent most of his holiday time off doing what he could for the widow and children of the deceased. The woman he’s involved with could not understand; she made absolutely no qualms about stating such.

Your eyes are not playing tricks on you…you are reading correctly! Can you believe the audacious insensitivity and outrageous actions of this woman? Much to his chagrin, a massive blanket of selfishness inhibited her ability to console her exquisitely handsome man.

Personally, I am mortified by the actions of a fellow member of the female race. Ladies, please use her actions as an example of what not to do. In relationships, as in life, it is about sharing and not all about you.